


Watershed

by Silarcta



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Little Mermaid, M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 17:31:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silarcta/pseuds/Silarcta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this semi-AU the sea dwellers were overthrown. Near extinct and exiled from society to the depths of the sea, time made their mutation develop. Many turned feral, and Eridan has no one to advice him against taking the help of Sollux, who insists he can give him legs like his ancestors once had. The experiment results in pain and hatred. Eridan is driven to seek comfort in Equius, who reminds him of a time when the sea dwellers were revered as noble and glorious creatures. Loosily based around the Little Mermaid, but stays in most ways true to the canon of trolls and Alternia. Contains lots of inappropriate references, sadness and fluff. Note explicit content warning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watershed

Eridan felt water swirling gently between his toes. What an odd sensation that was. Feeling anything at all after the last nights was a surprise, but that legs could cause anything but pain was a wonder.

Something stirred a trail of water across his back and around his waist. He cracked his eyes open. Without his glasses everything was blurred, but he thought he could make out two small, pink shapes shimmying around in the tank with him. He couldn’t help a smile. He knew Sollux kept two leucistic axolotls in the laboratory and he’d never been allowed to play with them. He couldn’t hate them simply because they were Sollux’; they were too cute to hate.

He watched the axolotls swim between his fingers, playing a lazy game of tag with their tiny, scrabbling feet tickling his skin. He was aware that someone was watching him, but everything outside the tank was a blur. The person was too large to be Sollux but he didn’t care. The land trolls could all die for all he fucking cared, but right then he didn’t even have the strength to antagonize anyone.

He closed his eyes as one of the axolotls crawled into his hair. It was almost like being back in the ocean. He tried to imagine he was, but the voices from outside the tank were penetrating his thoughts and forcing him back to cold, harsh reality.

“What is a naked man doing swimming in a tank in your laboratory?”

“It’s a fish,” Sollux snapped back at his—Eridan supposed—guest. “And don’t you fucking start on the legs, or make me explain how he got them because your tiny pea brain isn’t going to grasp the concept of experimental mutagens.”

The other person had to pause for a moment, as if considering whether to be offended or something else. He cleared his throat. It was definitely a male. “Is it sentient?” he eventually asked.

“It’s a fucking stupid fish. How sentient do you think it could be?” Sollux asked with a snort. His lisp had been cute when they met, but Eridan had come to hate it as much as every other aspect of Sollux. He pressed his hands against the curved glass of his tank and hissed an abundance of curses in Sollux’ direction. The water distorted his words for them and they couldn’t make sense of it. Stupid land dwellers couldn’t even recognize the words _disgusting lowlife scum_ when it was yelled at them.

The unknown man leaned towards the glass, very careful as he touched it. He peered up at Eridan, most likely seeing a sea dweller for the first time. “What a magnificent creature he is. You will tell me about his blood. Is it true that the sea dwellers are the highest on the hemospectrum?” There were stories about how the sea trolls once ruled Alternia with the most precious of blood flowing through their veins. Few of them were left now, and even fewer of those were still sentient beings.

Sollux groaned. “I’m not telling you anything. You’ll start sweating on my floor again.” Sollux was ignored by his visitor, whose gaze was transfixed on Eridan.

“I am Equius Zahhak,” he said. “And I think you can understand me.”

Eridan was tempted to ignore him and sulk some more. He didn’t want any land dweller to reach out to him ever again, but the previous flattery had sweetened him considerably. He pressed his nose against the glass and squinted at Equius Zahhak. He didn’t say anything, because there wasn’t any point to it. Sollux knew Eridan was far more intelligent than any swill-blooded mouth-breather; if he intended on letting Equius befriend him he would have explained. Fucking prick. Eridan glared over at Sollux, and so did the axolotls sitting on his shoulder and in his hair.

Eridan had met Sollux several weeks ago. That had been on a beach far from where they were now. Nights of travel separated this lab from the ocean. Eridan often visited the shore, which was rocky and void of people at all times. What sea dwellers were left would keep to the furthest reaches of the ocean, because the trolls on land would capture them without thinking twice. Eridan had learned this the hard way. He had hungered for land, and not just in the way his kind tended to hunger for land dweller flesh.

The night they met he was basking in the moonlight on a flat rock not far from the shore. There had been none of this leg-nonsense; he had a fin decked in purple scales. In the moonlight they sparkled and shone in all the colours of the spectrum. He stirred the ocean surface languidly with it as he stretched his body to the open air. He wasn’t afraid of anything; one firm lash of his fin and he could be halfway out to the deep sea. Curiosity was what trapped him.

He’d never actually seen a land dweller before, so when he spotted Sollux wading between the rocks he didn’t immediately hit the waves. Why should Eridan Ampora be afraid of a troll without a fin? He watched Sollux with predatory eyes, intrigued by his odd appearance. This strange contraption of legs and lungs appeared to be collecting molluscs and coral samples that he put in boxes to bring with him. He poked at algae while scrunching nose, and sampled water in glass tubes.

Such odd behaviour, Eridan was thinking as Sollux caught sight of him. The fin wasn’t immediately apparent to Sollux. When he saw it he slipped and fell, hurting himself on the rocks like the idiots he was. Eridan laughed. Damn, what a fucktard. Baring his teeth in a vicious grin, he slithered through the water, between the rocks towards the fallen troll. Sollux was scrabbling backwards, gaping like a stupid fish and then Eridan was over him before he could do anything.

“What a scared, pathetic little thing you are,” Eridan snickered, savouring every second he drew out the “w”. “You should be. You are far from the first idiot trespasser I tore apart and ate.” He grabbed onto Sollux’ kicking legs. “I’ll be picking you out of my teeth for nights to come.”

“Get the fuck off!” Sollux yelled as soon as he found his voice. He got hold of a jagged rock the size of his fist and swung it at Eridan. It hit him right in the face. Eridan was knocked back, hissing and spitting. He coiled between some tall rocks before he managed to get himself upright again, rubbing his cheek and drawing back from Sollux.

“Ow. That reely fucking _hurt_ ,” he whined. He stroked his cheek with webbed fingers. Purple blood was oozing forth from a shallow cut. He was practically pouting, which destroyed any ounce of fear Sollux had experienced before.

“Are you fucking retarded?” Sollux scowled and hurled the rock at Eridan. It soared past his ear and splashed into the ocean. Eridan winced. “Don’t threaten to eat people if you don’t plan on following up on it.”

“How should I know land dwellers were sea violent?” Eridan complained. They huffed and glared at each other while they let the truth of the situation sink in. Sollux had just chucked a rock at a creature of legend, spilling blood so much higher on the hemospectrum than his own that he could practically hear the nobles screaming “off with his head!” in the back of his mind. Not that the nobles were pleased with sea dwellers at all. They were the ones who destroyed the sea dwellers in the first place, centuries ago.

Sollux couldn’t care less about the hemospectrum. The degree of fucks he gave would have to be measured in negative Kelvin. He pushed himself up and offered Eridan his hand, before it occurred to him that Eridan had no feet to get back up on. Damn, he was stupid. Before he could draw his hand back, Eridan laid his palm against his.

“What are you doing?” Sollux asked, annoyed by how awkward the moment was.

“Isn’t this some obscene sort of land greeting?” Eridan asked. As it was apparently not so, he quickly took his hand back. Now he’d gotten blood all over the land thing. Surely he was honoured to be graced by such royal drops of purple.

Sollux wiped his hand on his trousers. “Shouldn’t you be out in the deep sea, singing songs about wanting to be where people are and seeing them dancing?”

Eridan inclined his head in confusion.

“You know, having whotzits and whatzits galore and twenty thingamabobs and such.”

“Why the fuck would I need twenty?” Eridan asked. “And you’re the one collecting crap.”

“It’s for a research project.” Reminded of what he was doing, Sollux snatched up some of the boxes he’d dropped that were threatening to float away. “Land dweller stuff. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Hah! You think your puny land science can match ours?” Eridan asked. His lips were curling with delight. “I repeat, hah! You codn’t science your way out of a fucking trotline.”

“Another fish-pun and I’ll science another rock in your face,” Sollux sneered, but he soon got a better idea. “Maybe you’re right, though. To a point.”

“Admit defeat now. You’ll save face,” Eridan said brusquely.

“I’m here for my research project. When I’ve got my samples I head back to my laboratory in the city. I’m just collecting data for some people at the university. With your help, I bet I’d get this boring shit out of the way in no time.”

Eridan raised a suspicious brow at him.

“You have to know _everything_ about this beach,” Sollux said as smoothly as he managed. He wasn’t very smooth at all, but Eridan was easy to flatter. One on one, knee-high in water, Sollux had no chance of capturing a sea dweller with force. He hadn’t even considered the possibility up until now.

Eridan narrowed his eyes at him. “Is that so,” he hissed. His fin was coiling back into the water. He was drawing back. When reason failed him he still had his instincts. Sollux grasped for something to say that wouldn’t sound terribly stupid and selfish.

“You don’t want to see the city, do you?” Stupid seemed to him the better alternative to selfish. Eridan laughed, then dipped his head underwater before emerging closer, crawling onto a flat rock to smirk at him.

“How would that happen? I’d fucking dry out on land, or depend on you to carry me around in a barrel. Can’t expect you to understand dignity though; I can smell the muck floating through your veins.”

“What if I could give you legs?” Sollux asked. Eridan looked ready to leave for good, but he waded out after him, insisting. “I can do it. I’m fucking way more competent than your jellyfish-brained band of so-called ‘scientists’ down there.”

Eridan was submerged nose-deep in water. He sneered at Sollux for a moment before he tipped his head up to growl back at him. “And how do you propose to do that?”

“We are both trolls,” Sollux said. “Though obviously very different,” he added in a hurry as Eridan scowled. “But still wrigglers from a mother grub. Sea dwellers had legs back in our ancestors’ times. You’re bound to have the genetic information in your DNA. I can unlock that. It will be fully reversible, too.” It was experimental and he would have to adapt the mutagen, but he would simply have to return shortly to base and make some adjustments to his formula. He watched Eridan consider, already itching to perform this highly risky experiment. Finally Eridan replied.

“And what would you want in return? You’re obviously not about to do this for no personal merit whatsoever.” Either way Eridan was about to do something very stupid.

“I get to take you back to my lab and examine you,” Sollux said. “When I’m done you can do whatever you want.” He would have liked to examine Eridan right away, but he doubted he could make Eridan take the trip all the way back without the certainty of having legs first. “It won’t take long. Give me three nights before you wander off on the new legs that I gave you.”

Eridan didn’t dip about in the shore every night because he liked the particular kind of plankton that grew on the rocks. He _wanted_ to be where the people were and see them fucking dance, coddamn it.

So it was decided from one brief meeting. Sollux would return as soon as he had the mutagen ready. They would meet on the beach a week from then. In that time, Eridan swam around in excitement, ignoring the nagging voices in the back of his head as he zoomed across the sea bottom in farewell to his old life. He reminded himself of how the smell of salt water made him sick and how swimming made his glasses fall off, resulting in more than one underwater traffic accident a night. He knew how stupid this was, but as he sat in the dark depths and listened to the pressing silence of the sea, he realized it could be no other way.

He was just too fucking alone.

A week later Eridan thrashed and writhed among the rocks, splashing water every which way. He screamed at the top of his lungs as they evolved in his thoracic cavity in preparation to take over as the respiratory system in charge. Sollux fought to hold him down. He’d wanted to take Eridan somewhere sterile, or at least softer, but Eridan refused to leave the shoreline. Sollux had a hard time not being sick at the noise of bones disfiguring into new shapes. Small purple shells flew everywhere, shedding off en masse. The mutagen was transforming Eridan’s body in a matter of hours, but it was torture. He was crying for it to stop, but there was nothing to do but wait the transformation out.

The moon was high above them when Eridan became still in Sollux’ arms. His skin was scraped and bleeding. Shells stuck to his damp body. His fin was completely gone, though his gills remained. His ears appeared the only thing unable to transform. Now he had a pair of legs attached to his hips; long, slender limbs that drifted motionless in the water. In the moonlight, Eridan’s pale skin seemed to glow. Maybe Sollux was just imagining it. Fact was, he had his arms full of a naked man whom he had just granted the gift of walking, he hoped. Eridan seemed unable to control the limbs.

“Eridan.” Sollux poked at whatever part of him seemed the least intimate. Suddenly, when he wasn’t a fish, Eridan was damn gorgeous. Sollux attributed it to his own scientific achievement. Fuck yeah science.

Eridan looked up. His eyes were blood-shot and tears were still streaming down his face from the pain. He wanted to crawl back in the ocean and never come out. He was fighting not to break into sobs, even though the pain was now subsiding. Sollux took hold of his chin and stroked a finger over his bleeding lip. Eridan had bitten down hard.

“Time to see the city,” he said. Eridan didn’t get another moment’s rest. Sollux got up, dragging Eridan up with him. Eridan shambled forwards and fell into him. They both tumbled over in the sand.

It took time, getting Eridan to walk. Sollux had to half drag him back to the road where his lusus was waiting to take them back. Eridan didn’t much like the bicyclops, but wasn’t protesting to being carried. It was a long time since sea dwellers had lusi or signs. He wondered if Sollux had chosen his lusus over more comfortable travel methods simply to show off.

Eridan forgot about his annoyance over the lusus as soon as his gills began hurting. Not every trace of sea dweller was gone from him; he still dried out. He couldn’t breathe if his gills weren’t closed, and when they dried out they became brittle, not sticking together as they ought to while out of water. They had to stop so he could pour water over his neck and not choke. His legs were unsteady still, and he was freezing. Sollux had brought him some clothes, but he didn’t care. His lungs burned and his bones hurt and everything was wrong and horrible and he hated it. He didn’t even bother to look up when they could see the conglomeration of hives that made out the city in the horizon. It was dark and filthy, and Sollux’ hive was no better.

Eridan was barely conscious when Sollux brought him into the laboratory. He vaguely noted a tall, cylindrical tank of water in a corner as he was laid out on a table. His clothes were peeled off and water was poured over him. He would have been no more helpless if he kept his fin. Sollux wouldn’t even wait for him to rest before he insisted on examining him. Eridan wasn’t going to stand for it. He gathered enough strength to shove Sollux away from him.

“Fucking... Keep your hands off,” he wheezed.

“Hm.” Sollux seemed to reconsider his rude approach. “Maybe best to keep you in the tank for tonight. Let you recuperate.”

Eridan squinted as the world went blurry. Sollux had removed his glasses. He could feel the bicyclops lift him, and soon he slid into the comfortable waters of the tank. He could rest here. Close his eyes. Drift away in the gently sloshing water. He was too tired to care.

*

Eridan learned that Equius was Sollux’ apprentice, but he was a blueblood and far above Sollux in status. It was fun to watch Sollux try and be snide and bicker. Should Equius give him a direct order, which he did far too rarely for Eridan’s tastes, Sollux had no choice but to comply. An apprentice with power over his teacher was not a good apprentice, but Equius was too proper to abuse his position much. As if he honestly thought Sollux had something important to teach him.

Sollux generally didn’t let him touch anything; it wasn’t like Equius could hold a test tube without breaking it. This apprenticeship appeared to be a situation that had been imposed on them both because of status and expectations from society. Sollux did his best to ignore Equius when he didn’t need someone to break bricks with their forehead and Equius didn’t complain about Sollux’ reluctance to teach him.

Eridan had come to despise Sollux in so many ways. He didn’t want to spare that sorry jackass a single thought if he could help it. Equius was the only one who might be worth a smidgeon of his attention. He was a blueblood and he seemed to have the right attitude towards sea dwellers.

Sollux wouldn’t leave them alone if he could help it, but eventually it happened. He trusted Equius not to fuck up, but Eridan had different plans. As soon as Sollux was out of the hive, he slammed his fist against the glass to get Equius’ attention. He knew Equius would hesitate, but he didn’t need glasses to know that Equius was making a conscious effort every night not to let his eyes linger on him. Shades didn’t fool Eridan.

He banged on the glass again. His had to be the only fish tank that locked from the outside. There was no gap of air between the water and the lid, preventing him from talking. Sollux had a mind to install a filter and an oxygen pump, and that was more than Eridan had expected of him. That piss-blooded pervert would have liked to watch him choke slowly in algae. Speaking of perverts, Equius finally got around to opening the tank. Eridan had to admire his strength. The tank was tall, and Equius could barely reach the top of it standing on his toes.

He pulled himself up and grabbed hold of the valve. Sollux needed his psionics or his lusus to get it open, but to Equius it was no trouble. He pushed the lid to the side, and the two of them was face-to-face for the first time, no glass between them. Eridan stared at him from under the water with his face turned upwards and nose touching the surface.

Equius was tense, guarded. He said nothing. He was still blurry. Fucking lack of glasses. But this time he wasn’t distorted by water or glass and in his right proportions, Equius looked better than Eridan had expected him to. He took hold of the edge around the tank’s opening and pulled himself up. Equius leaned away so they didn’t bump foreheads. Was he holding his breath? Of course he was holding his breath with excitement; he was honoured by the presence of a sea dweller whose blood made liquid gold cheap and filthy in comparison.

“Are you capable of understanding me?” Equius asked with reverence.

Eridan smirked. Then he gave Equius a hard push. He’d never been able to move him if he didn’t catch him by surprise, but Equius was balancing on the edge of the tank. He toppled with a shout and made himself a crater in the floor. Eridan hung off the top of the tank and leered down at him.

“I am not a stupid fish, you fucking moron. I am your superior in every way.” He pulled himself over the edge of the tank and slipped down to land on his feet. It hurt like hell, and he crumpled right over on the floor. “ _Oww_.” That didn’t go entirely according to plan. His legs still gave him trouble.

“I... sincerely apologize. Do you require my assistance?”

“No, fuckass. I see how you break things. I am amazed you were able not to break the tank.” Eridan rubbed his hip with a frown. Equius was looking anywhere but at him. “Get my glasses.”

“Do you think it appropriate for someone of your blood to use such appalling language?”

“Just do it,” Eridan snapped. “I can’t see anyfin.”

Equius picked himself up and shifted towards Sollux’ workbench. It was obvious to anyone that the thick-rimmed hipster glasses lying there didn’t belong to Sollux no matter how much of a nerd he was.

“Oh, _fiddlesticks_.”

Eridan sighed. He didn’t need sight to know that Equius had snapped his glasses in half. “Fintastic,” he muttered as he butted the back of his head against the tank with a _thud_. He could sort of see why Sollux was so annoyed with Equius. The lumbering clod was a danger to everything around him.

“The glass is not broken. I will repair them,” Equius assured, still apologetic. “And I will order Sollux to let you keep them.”

“I can order him myself,” Eridan spat. “Besides, they only fall off underwater.” He closed his eyes with a frown, ignoring Equius for now. He wasn’t entirely sure what he had wanted to achieve with getting out of the tank. Stretching his legs was a laughable idea; walking was torturous and unpleasant. He had yet to devise a plan that would get him back to the ocean. For now, he would enjoy the cool air on his damp skin, letting his legs rest on the floor. He was like Troll Bambi on Ice at this point.

If nothing else, he was satisfied with how they looked. They were strange appendages, but long and slim and definitely pleasing to the eye. Not that Eridan Ampora could find a part of himself, new or old, that he wasn’t passionately in love with. That was his only comfort at the moment, tired and bored as he was. Dull pain was a fact of life and Equius was making a hell of a noise somewhere in the lab. Never mind him. Eridan slowly pulled his knees up and closer to himself. Underwater his legs were alright, but on land they felt heavy and awkward.

“Here. This may serve as a small consolation.”

Eridan looked up at Equius, who was holding out a pair of goggles fitted with the glass from his late spectacles, Cod rest their soul. Eridan felt the hair at the back of his neck stand on end. “Is your think-pan full of seaweed? If I wanted goggles I would have gotten them ages ago. I can fucking solve my own problems,” he hissed. He expected Equius to slink back and apologize like the pathetic sea urchin he was. That did not happen.

“You should by all means punish me like the lowly underling that I am for speaking up,” he said. “But this is a kindness, and though I find it a privilege to be unappreciated and verbally abused by one of your blood, your language and manner is not one of royalty. You are only being a royal pain in the posterior.”

Eridan sneered with teeth like perfectly positioned needles. He glared at Equius before his anger flickered and died out. He grabbed the goggles and turned his face away, his lips drawn tight and quivering. “And what would you know?” he huffed. “We are not royalty anymore.” He would have been a prince back when the sea dwellers ruled, he thought sadly as he looked down at the goggles.

“I apologize if I lacked the foresight to tell that these goggles would remind you of something.” Equius was very careful as he sat down next to Eridan.

“She would have been empress,” Eridan murmured. “We were meant for each other.” A wry smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “She was literally the only troll I knew before I met Sol. The only other one of my kind that I know of.”

“It grieves me to hear the loss of someone higher in the hemospectrum than land dwellers can even dream of. I am certain you courted her with grace.”

“Hah!” Eridan snarled again. “I was stuck as her moirail because I was too much of a coward to tell her I had flushed feelings for her. I meant to tell her. I kept telling myself ‘tomorrow I let her know’. I fucked up so hard. Sorry.” He rubbed furiously at his eyes. He wanted to be princely, but it was hard and nobody understood. He’d put up with too much shit the last weeks, and being reminded of her was far more agonizing than another round of  mutagen would have been. “She isn’t even dead, she simply...” He clutched onto the goggles so tightly. “It went gradually, but the night she couldn’t recognize me felt so sudden. She forgot who she was, like all sea dwellers eventually do.”

“I see. I apologize for my earlier assumptions concerning you.”

Eridan wasn’t listening. He was getting all up in his grief now, not caring for anything else. “I should have paid more attention to her. It was only when I lost her that I realized how futile my plans to eviscerate all land trolls was.” Equius raised a brow at this. “She always tried to make me see reason. If I had just given her my attention instead, if I had told her... It’s not like she would have turned me down; she was always there for me. She was so excitable and fun, she was the only one who ever showed me kindness and what the fuck are you doing?”

Equius had put a hand on his shoulder, but had a mind not to squeeze. His shades didn’t hide his utter terror as Eridan glared at him. His hand was gone instantaneously.

“...Pap pap?”

“No. No pap paps, not a single one.” Eridan hid his face in his hands, enraged but only at himself for crying like a bitch. Equius seemed extremely uncomfortable this close to him, for reasons Eridan couldn’t fathom. Either way it looked like he found it his duty to comfort royalty in despair. “What is _wrong_ with you?” he asked and sniffed. He shouldn’t have done that. His nostrils were invaded by an overpowering scent of arousal and sweat. It would probably have knocked lesser trolls unconscious.

“You may not be aware that you are currently very barren. I thought it rude to remark upon it in case this is one of royalty’s many honourable quirks. I insist that I am still a _strong_ shoulder on which to grieve.” But he had his head turned resolutely away from Eridan. “The beauty of your tears will not compromise me.”

Eridan looked down at his hands. He hadn’t been crying, he simply didn’t cry, but somehow there were still purple tears all over his hands. Without water around him to wash away the evidence, this was exceptionally annoying. “Tell Sollux about this and I will cull you like a... a...”

“Cuttlefish?” Equius suggested.

Eridan turned his face into Equius’ shoulder and sobbed outright. He was alone and nobody cared. Everyone was mean and it didn’t matter which damnable colour his blood was. A rustblood got more sympathy than him. He was an object to be experimented on until it was time to stow him away in a museum for any lowlife scum to look at. Sea dwellers weren’t meant to be intelligent any longer. They had fins, for Cod’s sake. They didn’t even have the decency to wear clothes any more. They were animals.

Equius was whispering soft _shoosh_ es at him. Eridan had said nothing about shooshes. “You still feel _strongly_ for her. Passion is not a thing to regret.”

“I maimed myself letting Sol change me,” Eridan cried.

“You have legs now. Is that not one step closer to the sea dwellers’ age of glory?”

“It hurts.” And he was complaining like a brat. Equius had a point here, somewhere. The gears in Eridan’s head came to an abrupt halt and slowly started spinning in the other direction. “I am more like my ancestors than any sea dweller has been for ages.”

“You will be all the more like them if you put on some clothes,” Equius agreed after weighing his words carefully. “It is becoming a considerable problem that your magnificent being is barren for all to see.”

Eridan rolled his eyes. Yes he was gorgeous, he knew that, but his genitalia were recessed within his body and there was really nothing _dirty_ to see. Unless not having a fin was a huge turn-on for land trolls. He grinned mischievously. “Eq. Tell me what you think of my legs.”

Equius wasn’t looking at him, no way. “Is it not a bit forward to use pet names when you have not even told me your own name?”

“ _Shortance_ , not pet name,” Eridan said with a frown. “It’s a habit. I am Eridan Ampora and I order you to look at my legs and tell me how fucking glorious they are. I wouldn’t know, now would I? I need a second opinion.” He needed to see Equius squirm.

“I... I am not entirely sure of your intentions here.”

Eridan was enjoying this so much. Equius was turning towards him, and Eridan’s grin just widened. “Off with the shades.”

“Is that an order?” Equius asked in a thick voice, but he was already pulling them off. Eridan had to suppress a shudder as he felt Equius’ gaze on him. At first his eyes were fixed on Eridan’s feet, but gradually they travelled up along his body. In spite of his usual verbosity Equius couldn’t find words. Poor guy was too easy to torment. Eridan leaned closer. Equius’ pulse was hammering audibly at this point and the smell of arousal in the air was thick enough to choke in. Eridan pretended he couldn’t whiff his own scent mixed in.

“I like your eyes,” Eridan said once he was close enough to see them sharply. Their noses were almost touching.

“I need a towel.”

Eridan cracked up and shook his head. He would let Equius catch a break. “I should get back in the tank before Sol returns.” He hated to cut this short, but he had to. It was Sollux’ fault, in any case. Erodam hadn’t lied when he said his moirail was the only troll he knew before. Sollux was so extremely unpleasant that Eridan was now pining for someone with gentler intensions.

There was nothing gentle about what Sollux did when Eridan first arrived at the lab. He had allowed him to rest for a day, but Sollux was insistent on starting the examinations. The bicyclops had fished Eridan out of the tank the next nightfall. His body was still wracked with pain and he had cried more than he had slept. Now he found himself writhing on a table under sharp lamplight.

“Lie still.”

“Sol,” Eridan groaned. “It hurts.” Invisible forces pulled his wrists and ankles down onto the table surface and pinned them there. He fought for a moment longer before resigning. Something pricked his arm and he hissed. Sollux was drawing blood. Fucking sadist. This had nothing to do with research. Next, Sollux examined his legs, as if they were anything but perfect. Eridan scoffed. Most of the cuts he’d gotten on the beach were gone. His skin was smooth and pale grey under Sollux’ exploring fingers. “Are you fucking entertained yet?” Eridan hissed.

“It’s disappointing, to be honest. There isn’t much about your physique that differs from a land troll on the surface. Only the fins.” His fingers graced one side of Eridan’s face, outlining an “ear”. Eridan shivered as he came in contact with his gills.

“Back off,” he snarled. No one got to touch those. The soft tissue was sensitive and sore out of the water, but that didn’t concern him half as much as the idea of Sollux poking into them.

“Don’t like that?” Sollux asked. He ran his thumb down the gills, watching them flare along with Eridan’s temper.

“Get your disgusting, grubby hands off. It hurts and that’s your fault, you shit-veined jackass.” Had he known how much agony he would have to go through, he’d never have said yes to the mutagen. His eyes darkened with rage as he watched Sollux with a harsh, sideways stare.

“You need time to adjust.”

“I need to cave your thick think-pan in,” Eridan snarled at him. He was about to rain more insults, but they dissolved into a groan as Sollux stroked the tender gills on either side of his neck. “Cod, what...” Something was very off. The dull ache from his gills spread down his neck and became a hot throbbing in his groin. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling any more. There should only have been pain, but Sollux’ fingers turned the aching into something warm and breathtaking.

“Seriously?” Sollux laughed. “You are enjoying this. That’s fucking pathetic.” With scientific curiosity shining in his eyes, he put his shades down and stroked his fingers down either side of Eridan’s neck. Eridan’s breathing was shallow and he looked up at Sollux with loathing.

“You are a repugnant grubfucker,” he wheezed. No one touched him like this. Feferi had never done it. No one got to do it. “This is scientific discovery, is it? A depraved, wretched pervert groping his latest experiment.”

Sollux narrowed his eyes and flared his nostrils with suppressed anger. Eridan could see that his comment had made him reluctant to proceed down this lane and he was pleased; too pleased. In order to wipe the smug grin off his face, Sollux forced his fingers into Eridan’s gills. He was efficiently cutting off oxygen to his lungs, and his gills were useless on land. Eridan sputtered and trashed against the psionics that held him down. Instinct was kicking in and he was able to wrench one leg free to kick.

Sollux was knocked into a supply cabinet and his control let up. Forgetting everything about pain, Eridan leapt off the table and at him. He got so far as to straddle Sollux before he met any resistance. Sollux tried to tear him away with his powers, but Eridan dug his claws into Sollux’ back. They pierced fabric and dug into flesh.

“Not so funny now?” Eridan yelled over Sollux’ scream. “You did this to me!” He ripped one hand free and punched Sollux in the face. His breathing came in frantic gasps and his body trembled with the heat and the throbbing in his neck. It hurt so good. Their eyes met, crazed and livid. Blood was running down from Sollux’ lips and his chin was bruising. He couldn’t move; Eridan was straddling his waist and pinning him to the floor. He grabbed two fistfuls of Eridan’s hair and they never stopped scowling at each other.

“Don’t even think about it, you detestable fucking piece of—”

Sollux yanked Eridan’s head down and crushed their lips together. Eridan’s mouth filled with the taste of yellow swill and hate. Sollux stank of desperation and repression. He hadn’t planned this, but Eridan could feel his bulge and that simply fuelled his revulsion. He hadn’t known disgust could feel so good, but surely it was the only thing he could feel anyone. He didn’t realize how aroused he was or that he was kissing Sollux’ voluntarily, not until Sollux stroked the slit between his legs. It was wet and dripping, and his bulge was beginning to worm its way out. His slick, wet tentacle was greeted by Sollux’ hand, betraying him entirely as it responded to the touch.

“Nnrgh, don’t. I don’t want you to...” He gasped as Sollux pried him open with two fingers. His hand was now wet with purple slime, and the fingers slid into Eridan’s nook with ease. It was tight. Eridan clenched around the fingers with wet, slick noises and his bulge wrapped around Sollux’ hand in a desperate attempt to regain control. He didn’t think twice about using his hands, which were ripping up Sollux’ arms and back. The fingers dug deeper into him, invading his body deeper than he’d even touched himself. _He did not want Sollux as his first_.

Still, he was doing all he could to shove his tongue as far down Sollux’ throat as possible. His hips were thrusting down on the fingers, wanting more and... No. _No_. Sollux used one hand to open his trousers, revealing that his disgusting yellow bulge was fully uncoiled. There were two of those fuckers. Eridan felt nauseous as they wormed their way up between his thighs, which were already slicked with purple. The anticipation of throbbing, hot bulge only made his nook clench convulsively and drip harder. Why did it have to be yellow? Eridan did _not_ want that ugly piss inside of him. He coiled his bulge around one of Sollux’ and they both groaned from the contact they were so desperate for.

The two bulges wrapped together; Eridan’s eel-like and purple around Sollux’ slimmer one. The mess they made was an atrocity, a sin against any colour theory. Sollux’ shirt was soaked through with their genetic material and Eridan was getting it all over his ass, legs and stomach. Sollux’ other bulge was replacing the fingers, slithering its way in and forcing Eridan further open. There were tears in Eridan’s eyes and he bit down on Sollux’ arm not to cry. He was so full. His hips were full of hot and throbbing and he hated Sollux more for every second his bulge pumped slime into him. He should have been the one ravaging Sollux’ nooks, but he refused to go near that, _those_ festering caves.

He whined as Sollux untangled his bulge from his. The slick appendage curled around his nook, which was flushed and too full of bulge already. The questing tentacle slid up between Eridan’s buttocks and found itself another way in. Eridan screamed. It wasn’t pleasant, but the scream was rage more than discomfort. He was furious that Sollux would even dare to consider. Now he was losing himself completely. Sollux pulled him down to sit in his lap, sheathing both bulges all the way to their thick bases. It was too wet and smooth to even try and stop.

Eridan was so full, and he didn’t know who he hated the most right then. It was either him or Sollux. There was no one else in the world. No one to see as he gave in and stroked his own bulge with both hands. Sollux was just lying there underneath him with his dazed, arrogant grin as he watched Eridan humiliate himself further. Eridan was so tight around him and he had better enjoy it, the fuckass. Eridan would enjoy himself the night he shoved a harpoon down Sollux’ throat.

Eridan was overwhelmed as Sollux came. Both bulges gushed within him, spilling every drop of yellow slime still left in the scrawny body they belonged to. Eridan felt like nothing but a sheathe for Sollux right then. There was just too much inside of him, forcing him to release. Sollux was drenched. They both were. Eridan was also utterly disgusted with himself. It didn’t matter whether Sollux had done this before or not. He was filthy and defiled. This was not how it was supposed to go.

Sollux had opened doors that Eridan wanted to stay shut. Now he couldn’t help but sense and smell these things. It had been far too easy to pick up on Equius’ arousal. Eridan felt bad for him, once he had returned to his tank after their first meeting. He had been a bit of an ass, and despite the hemospectrum it was rather uncalled for. Eridan hoped they would have a chance to speak again. He was stuck in this sloppy, painful hell with Sollux and he didn’t know how to get out.

*

It would be a week between Eridan and Equius’ first and second conversation. Sollux hovered over them at all times like a mutant crossbreed between a vulture and a gargoyle. His stone face was unrivalled and he metaphorically circled them with a certain caution. He might be noticing Eridan’s rising interest in Equius. The long glances combined with Equius’ unfailing ability to break into a sweat whenever he got too close to the tank or caught Eridan looking at him was evidence enough. The goggles and the dent in the floor might also have been a tip-off that they had communicated.

“I have told you to stay the fuck away from him; he’s a stupid fish and you will overstimulate his tiny think-pan,” Sollux had said when he first noticed.

“Yes, surely _you_ would think this glorious gillbeast from ancient lore will have his mind shattered into a thousand pieces should he be graced with the gift of seeing clearly.” The condescension in Equius’ voice made Sollux grind his teeth. He couldn’t state just how sick he was of this.

“You talked to him, didn’t you?”

“There may have been verbal interaction that I find myself uncomfortable repeating.” Equius stopped himself from glancing over at the tank, but it was obvious what he had been about to do. “There may not have been.”

Sollux would have rolled his eyes if this had any merit; lack of pupils and all. “Well, then you know he’s a psycho. Don’t make him any more gifts. That’s like telling him stalking is okay.”

Knowing Eridan had creeped Equius out—and he did not want to know how it was possible to creep Equius out—should have stopped him from caring. He didn’t care. Sollux did in fact not give a fuck. The only fuck given was the fucking going on between him and Eridan, and he didn’t even care enough to be properly in hate with him. Eridan was just troublesome and Equius, that idiot, would listen to him. They would screw up all his research.

Several nights later he had to leave them alone whether he liked to or not. Or so Eridan figured. He didn’t know why Sollux left. Not this time, nor the time before that. He didn’t even realize they were alone until late that night. Equius had been reading in a chair by Sollux’ desk for much longer than usual. Eridan could see him through a doorway when he leaned back in the chair. Sollux usually made himself seen regularly all nights, nerding about with whatever it was he did. Eridan grew impatient. He slammed his fist into the glass of the tank.

“Don’t pretend like you cannot hear me,” he yelled, even if the water muddled his words. Equius was very intentionally not reacting to the noises he made. Eridan just hit the glass harder. He could go on all night if Equius insisted on playing dumb. Equius thought he was strong and could endure anything; he hadn’t experienced Eridan’s stubbornness. There would only be one victor and his name was Eridan Ampora, for he could pester the grubsauce out of someone’s ears if he had his blood-pusher set on it. He was proud of how fucking annoying he could be, and _haha_ , indeed Equius was closing his book and sauntering over with his dismay dragging after him like a lead ball.

“I am not letting you out,” he said. “You have no way of ordering otherwise.”

Eridan nodded that “yes”, yes he could order Equius without making a sound and he pointed insistently to the lid of the tank.

“I am not hearing or seeing anything, you cannot make me,” Equius persisted with his hands over his ears as he looked away. “Cease your infernal racket or I am leaving. I will go this very instant and leave you in your own company for the entire weekend.”

Eridan narrowed his eyes and pressed his nose against the glass with a sneer. Equius looked at him briefly and took a step back.

“Our last exchange was graceless and went unfavourable for both parties. Nothing could convince me to obey your uncoordinated pantomimes for release.”

Eridan continued to glare. Equius began to perspire. Eridan glared some more. Equius looked broken as he pulled himself up onto the tank to open it. Eridan pushed his goggles up from his eyes once they were face to face.

“What’s this you’re glubbing about our last exchange being so bad?”

Equius looked honestly troubled. “I may have gotten the wrong impression and I would not like for that to continue.”

Fucking liar, Eridan thought. He would not believe that Equius didn’t realize Eridan was intentionally coming onto him harder than a fist to Sollux’ face. Even now Equius had an intense smell of arousal. Maybe he was just a freak like that. Eridan was considerably disappointed. He got out of the tank and let himself down on the floor with a bit more grace than last time. He wobbled but didn’t fall over. “You should feel fucking honoured that I want to talk to you at all.” Equius was being dishonest rather than polite. Fuck him. He could have said straight out that he wasn’t interested instead of acting like a confused and snivelling puppy.

As Equius climbed down, Eridan picked up the book that Equius had left on the floor. He had half expected it to be some creepy brand of porn, the Troll German kind, but on the contrary he found himself surprised and intrigued. “Legends about sea dwellers?”

“Usually I would be in favour of your current state, but if you would not mind putting something on?” Equius muttered. “Your nude splendour is too much of an honour to behold, and also eliciting unsuitable reactions.”

Eridan disregarded him as he riffled through the book. Some of these stories he had heard when he was a tiny wriggler. The beautiful illustrations resembled carvings and statues he had seen in the ruins of the last city of the sea dwellers. “Why were you reading this here?” he asked. Surely Equius would have wanted to keep his interest secret if he wasn’t even going to talk to him.

“The original intention was to lend you the book, but I admit I was consumed by its exciting tales of grand adventure,” Equius said from somewhere beyond the doorway to the room. Eridan didn’t look up. He had paused on one of the last pages. His fingertips brushed down along the page, over the smooth print of an aquarelle depicting the Orphaner. This impressive sea dweller of the ancient past drew him in.

Everyone in this book had legs. Even the Orphaner. They stood upright and proud. Equius was right; Eridan was more like the royalty of time past than any other current sea dweller. Eridan looked down at himself. He was standing on his own two legs. There was something very significant about all this if he just considered...

“What?” he snapped at Equius, who had pulled a towel around him. “Keep the fuck away from me.” He slammed the book right in his face. It couldn’t do more damage to Equius’ teeth than he’d already done to them himself. Equius muttered an apology, but Eridan held onto the towel. It was first when somewhat dressed that he realized how naked he actually was. His time writhing on the floor with Sollux should have taught him some bashfulness already. Clearing his throat he retrieved the book from Equius’ face. “I suppose I should thank you,” he said haughtily and shot a sideways look at Equius.

This was probably what he had wanted to avoid, if not Eridan in general. “What did you mean ‘the entire weekend’? Where is Sol?”

“Gone.” Equius’ reply was short for the first time. He didn’t look inclined to say anything else. Whatever this was about, it made him tenser than anything Eridan could do to him. Jealousy flared black and red together. “It was his request that I look after you, since we are already ‘chumming it up’, to take his own phrase into use.”

“No one is chumming anything up.” Eridan dried the book with the hem of his towel before he handed it back. “And he barked it at you like some order, didn’t he? Got you all worked up.” He scrunched his nose at Equius.

“I was not suggesting that I agree with him. I definitely do not take his orders.”

“Prove it, then. Let me go outside.”

“You are wearing a towel.”

Eridan didn’t care. He took a couple of wobbling steps towards the exit. He had to support himself against the wall with one hand, but he was determined. “I have been out there before; there’s no one in the immediate vicinity to see.”

Equius followed him. Eridan expected to be stopped, but Equius took his arm over his shoulder to support him instead.

“Your request is reasonable,” he explained when Eridan looked at him suspiciously. This guy, Eridan thought, was all over the place.

“Eq,” he said as Equius pushed open the front door. He hadn’t been outside for so long. The night breeze felt cool and pleasant against his skin.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know what to think of you. Can we just fucking agree to you being on my side rather than Sollux’?”

Equius hesitated. “What would that entail? It may not make a difference to someone of your stature, but you should know I already have—”

“It means you clam up and do as I say,” Eridan snapped. He leaned heavily on Equius, too tired to stand for much longer. “Do we understand each other?”

“Your wishes are crystalline.”

Eridan didn’t believe him. As soon as Sollux was back Equius would leave, no doubt eager to get back to whatever it was he already had. It made Eridan angry to think anything was more important than him. Equius cared so much about blood, but encountering royalty had thrown his world off balance. Eridan realized he was starting to pity this confused man. Hounding him was the only way he knew how to deal with it. “I want to sit down over there.”

Equius helped him over to a tree, where he sank down propped up against the trunk. He breathed in the night air. “Sit,” he ordered. Equius did as he asked. Eridan didn’t know where to go from there. They sat in silence, looking up at the dark sky. The lights from the city shone not too far away. Eridan didn’t know what he was trying to do. Were they becoming friends? It was a long time since he was forced to part with Feferi, and Equius was the only living creature that had been nice to him since. Equius wasn’t exactly the epitome of interested.

“Is the life of a sea dweller very different now from what it was?” Equius asked.

“Of course it is,” Eridan said in a low scowl. “Our entire society crumbled after the revolution. We have fins. _Fins_.”

“I find it difficult to imagine something other than what I grew up with. How do you survive the larval stage with no lusus and no sign?”

“Cute,” Eridan said bitterly. “Reely adorable conversation starter.”

“My curiosity suits me ill, but please forgive my audacity.”

“You are honestly just curious?” Eridan asked. “How do I know you won’t use this against us?”

Equius furrowed his brows. Had it been anyone lower than him on the hemospectrum, he probably wouldn’t even have dignified him with an answer. It was a stupid question; any troll of his rank should have been eager to wipe out the rest of the sea dwellers. Equius wasn’t, and he seemed to think Eridan deserved that assurance.

“You have every right to be cautious. What remains of your society I am sure is in ruins. You are alone and that is all you have ever known, yet you soldiered on. I could never seek to destroy such valiance.”

“Valiant, am I,” Eridan muttered without believing it. “Some sea dwellers are lucky enough to be taught the basics of life by some of the older ones, but they are quick to kick the small fry away as soon as they know the difference between up and down. Shorely it sounds pathetic to land dwellers.”

“How utterly strange. You do not venture through the brooding caverns?”

Eridan hesitated, but there was too much honesty in Equius not to be honest in return. “We are bred by a Mother Grub underwater. One of the last sea dwellers to rule land placed her there to ensure our survival, but like all trolls we pray on each other, the weak and the unprotected. The only reason we look after our young is because we know we are dying out, but once we are grown up there is no mercy. Fef and I grew up in the ruins of a big city. She thought it had been a capital of the sea dwellers, but it’s completely empty now.”

“Perhaps the slight alteration in your breeding nature is what has caused your kind to develop fins.”

“Dolphinitely.”

“That was a bit of a stretch.”

“Shut up.”

“I only find it hard to understand how you can use puns when speaking of such tragic matters.”

“Fef used them all the time. I got it from her. I guess glubbing— _talking_ about her just...” Eridan didn’t want to speak any more of this.

They sat shoulder to shoulder, watching blood red clouds drift across the black sky. His gills were starting to prickle in discomfort as he dried out. Right as he thought he might as well go inside, Equius spoke up.

“I could read to you,” he said without looking at him.

“What, the sea troll legends?” Eridan scoffed.

“Yes.”

Alright, so that actually didn’t sound bad. He could hold out a little longer. Brittle gills be darned; someone was paying attention to him. He curled up a little against Equius’ side and looked up at him expectantly. “Fine.”

Equius removed his shades as he opened the book. Eridan closed his eyes and sank against him as he began to read. His voice was firm and steady, which was what Eridan needed right then. It soothed him, and he didn’t interrupt Equius for reasons other than to request stories about the Orphaner, or prevent him from reading anything about the Condesce. He had seen a picture of her in the book and it stabbed him right in the blood-pusher.

It was only when he had dozed for a mite that it occurred to him how little sleep he had gotten as of late. The trauma and anger that filled his veins made him restless. Eating and sleeping wasn’t appetizing any more, but before he knew it he slept like a rock on Equius’ shoulder. Here he felt safe, because Equius could see that the world around him was in ruin, and Equius grieved the loss of his civilization almost as much as he did.

Sleep came as a relief. He didn’t know how long it lasted, but he was woken up when breathing became painful and hard. He gasped and rolled over, slamming his head right into a wall. With a whine he rolled the other way, thumping into something firm and warm. He was all tangled up in a blanket and needed a moment to realize he was lying on a couch, with Equius being that firm and warm thing sitting next to him. By now he was choking and seeing black spots. Strong hands picked him up, holding him too hard but getting him across the lab and back in the tank before any serious injury occurred.

He breathed out in relief as his gills softened in the water and allowed for sweet oxygen. He swam a few rounds in the tank, though it wasn’t exactly roomy, before he popped his head back up from the water.

“What happened?” Equius asked.

“Gills dry out after a while,” Eridan explained, stroking said bit of anatomy with tender care. He pretended not to notice Equius’ perspiration and scent. He knew now that it happened far too easily to actually mean anything. “Cod we leave the tank open until Sollux gets back?” He should have demanded it; he was being far too reasonable.

“As you wish.” The way he said it made Eridan shiver.

Equius left him to himself for the day. He had no quarters at the lab and he had a life of his own to return to. It made Eridan pouty and annoyed, but he didn’t show it. He was able to sleep again, and that was a mercy.

Equius returned to him when the next night came around. He had brought clothes this time. Though he had tried to match them to Eridan as well as possible, the black sweater was too long and the striped trousers were too tight. Eridan didn’t mind the trousers one bit. On his request, Equius had also fixed him a new pair of glasses much like his first ones. Clothes aside, he felt almost like his old self.

“I told you I need water close by. We shoaldn’t be going this far.”

“I would not remove you from the hive without taking this into consideration.”

Eridan wasn’t happy, but he was making steady progress in the walking department. He hardly needed Equius’ support if he put his mind to it. They were getting further and further away from the lab, though. At this rate, there was no way of making it back before he got breathing difficulties.

Equius had taken this into consideration. Their destination was a river quite a far stretch from the city. They would have the area all by themselves. Tall, slender rock formations grew like odd trees on one side of the river, spiralling towards the sky. The ground was covered in a lush, dark teal grass. They settled down here. Equius lay down in the grass while Eridan went to wade in the river. Running water. How wonderful it felt against his toes.

It was deep, and he didn’t think twice about getting his clothes wet. The trousers stuck to his skin, soaked up to his thighs. Annoying and weird. Finally he gave up and sat down on the ground. The riverbanks were smooth, and did not so much slope as cut deep into the ground. He could easily dangle his legs into the water.

It was just past nightfall. The sky was purple with the residual light of dusk. He had to shield his eyes not to burn them as he stared at the horizon.

“A truly outstanding colour.” Equius had pushed himself over to sit next to him.

“Flatterer,” Eridan said in a murmur. He didn’t mind one bit.

“The walk was hopefully not too strenuous to be worth the payoff?”

“Don’t worry; it’s fintastic,” Eridan assured. He rolled his eyes. “You worry too much. I am not fragile in any way. Just out of my element, and I have been for some time.” He should man up and get used to it. Equius shouldn’t be mothering him. He should certainly serve him, but not in such a coddling manner. “Aahh!”

His cheeks flushed the same shade as the sky. The sound had escaped him so abruptly he took some time to realize it was he who made it. Cold water trickled down his neck from Equius’ touch.

“That... was much too forward, was it not?”

“Fucking fishsticks, don’t _stop_ , you moron.” He could have sworn Equius looked smug as he dipped his hand in the river again, before stroking wet fingers over his gills. Eridan shivered and inhaled in a sharp gasp. This was a tad more graceful than dunking his head underwater from time to time, but he wasn’t sure of Equius’ intentions.

Awfully eager to please, this one. Eridan had never experienced that before, and he didn’t know what to do with it. Eridan tilted his head back and rested it on Equius’ shoulder, exposing more of his neck. His lips parted just a little. His eyes shut and the only thing that existed was Equius’ fingers and his own rattling breath. Drops of water ran down along his neck, his jaw line, down his throat and over his collarbone.

He didn’t notice when the ministrations declined into gentle strokes with no purpose whatsoever. There was a soft _mmh_ from him and that was it. He found one of Equius’ hands and he tangled their fingers together in his lap. He didn’t know what this was. Compared to his first nights alone with Sollux, this was a different world entirely.

All the pain was washing away, and there had been so much pain. It had been worst after the initial experiments. At least then he had the hope that he might be able to walk out of Sollux’ hive and see everything he had wanted to see. After three nights of experimentation and worse, he should have earned his freedom.

Sollux watched him from the front door as he stepped out in the moonlight, trembling with each step. It felt like walking on needles. He was bruised and exhausted, a shell of the troll he had once been. Sollux had not been kind, and now he was leaning on the doorframe with an insufferable grin as Eridan reached for his freedom. He was no prisoner, Sollux said. But first he had to walk out of his cell.

He remembered reaching for the sparkling lights of the city. The sound of people was faint. Sollux liked it that way. They were isolated; an island of silence and solitude with civilization just out of reach. Three nights, they had agreed. Sollux would have three nights in which to abuse him until he was content. He had _earned_ this. He deserved it.

Black spots danced before his eyes and Eridan’s body gave in to exhaustion. He hit the ground. Sollux watched him, curious to see if he would wriggle like a maggot in a final fight against failure. Eridan Ampora did not wriggle in the least. Sollux walked over and kneeled next to him. He stroked a finger down Eridan’s spine. It touched bruises and cuts in various states of healing. He was pleased with himself.

“Eridan,” he said quietly. He took a fistful of black and purple hair, pulling Eridan’s head up from the ground. “Did you give up?”

Eridan could only do one thing and that was to glare at Sollux Captor with every shred of malice left in him.

Sollux let his head drop back down. He turned to walk back inside. Eridan thought he’d been left behind when he felt a pull at his ankles. The ground began to move. No. _He_ was moving. Sollux didn’t even bother to lift him up. Eridan was dragged after him by an invisible pull at his feet. He never realized thresholds could hurt so fucking much.

He came to a halt in the middle of the floor. He stared out the door as Sollux shut it. He felt his stomach churning with despair. He didn’t want to think or feel anything anymore, and he had no recollection of what happened afterwards.

Sollux left him on the floor to tidy up later. He was writing the finishing notes on his research project. He would have no use for Eridan after this. He might as well erase him or dump him back in the ocean as he was.

In all his ingenuity, there was one thing he hadn’t considered. Equius was supposed to work in his lab that night, and he arrived to see a motionless body on the floor.

“Have we not conversed about your reprehensible body disposal routines before?” he greeted Sollux, who cast a glance over his shoulder to see what Equius was referring to.

“Oh. That.” He shrugged. “He isn’t dead.”

“And somehow this is still not an appropriate location in which to put him. What is a naked man doing on the floor of your laboratory?”

“None of your concern. I’ll clean it up later.” Right then he couldn’t be bothered to explain anything. He went back to what he was doing and paid Equius no more mind.

Equius threaded around the limp body with care, but paused. He thought it too awful to leave him lying there. He pulled a blanket from a nearby couch, laying it down over the unfortunate experiment before picking it up into his arms. He lay Eridan down on the couch, and then he thought nothing more of it. He went about his business until the time when it was appropriate to ask what a naked man was doing swimming in a tank in Sollux’ laboratory.

It was almost dawn when Eridan woke up spluttering and gasping on the couch. He was a fish on land, finding himself trapped and tangled. He kicked and thrashed until invisible forces held him down and knocked what little air was left out of him.

“Water,” he said hoarsely.

Sollux emptied his mug over Eridan’s face. He’d been drinking coffee and now it was cold. It served to lessen the pain and allow Eridan to close his gills again, but this was too much. Eridan was so thoroughly pissed, now he was accessing storages of adrenaline he didn’t know he had left. He whirled on Sollux and punched him in the stomach with all his might. He wasn’t weak. Sollux crashed into the floor and skidded along the tiles for a metre or two. Before he had gathered himself, Eridan was over him and grabbed his throat with both hands.

“I can see why you think this is so _fucking hilarious_ ,” he snarled as he squeezed. Sollux made some undignified noises, kicked and flailed. He clawed at Eridan’s hands, tearing the skin off his knuckles, but Eridan wasn’t possible to budge. Purple blood ran down his hands and Sollux’ neck. He could feel he was close to crushing Sollux’ wind-pipe. He squeezed harder. Sollux was scratching up his arms. Eridan’s eyes were black with fury. Sollux’ desperate attempt at fighting back grew weaker. His arms fell down on his sides, limp and heavy as lead on the floor. His legs stopped kicking.

Eridan let go. Sollux’ throat had not been crushed, but it was bruising a dark yellow. Sollux was still conscious, but barely so. He wheezed for air. Eridan wanted to do anything in his power to humiliate him as he had been humiliated. He was still consumed by frenzy and desperation. He wanted his life back, but there was nothing to take from Sollux. He didn’t even have dignity.

There was nothing he wanted from Sollux. The idea of returning everything Sollux had done to him was beyond repulsive, if only because it meant actively taking interest in his body. This piss-blood scum didn’t deserve anything. Pain was too generous for this shit. No, he would get up and...

Sollux had come to enough to move. His hand, covered in blood from them both, grabbed Eridan’s ass. He was half dead and he didn’t even have the decency to wipe the uncaring mask off his face. It infuriated Eridan more than any smug grin could have. That was it. He forced Sollux around and held him down with a hand at the back of his neck as he tore his trousers down.

“You think you’re so much better than me,” Sollux said, spitting blood with his face pressed into the floor. It was enough to imply that Eridan wasn’t; he was insane with anger. Sollux should at any rate have been ashamed to already be open and ready for the fingers that cruelly plunged into him. Eridan was getting off just as much on this; Sollux didn’t care.

“F-fuck.”

He arched his hips as Eridan shoved two fingers in each of his nooks. His bulges were coiling underneath him, making an awful mess of his stomach and the floor. He was trapped with his trousers above his knees and Eridan sitting over him, and somehow he didn’t even think of forcing the other off with his psionics. He let himself be fingerfucked, revelling in Eridan’s lack of control. It was pathetic and he would use it to get off when he had the chance.

Eridan was crushing his face into the floor, clenching fingers around his neck. Claws dug into his skin, deeper the more he writhed. It wasn’t as close to writhing as it was desperate movement to get those fingers deeper into him. It wasn’t much, just enough to force him to a slow, frustrating release. By that time, he was in a pool of yellow slime. He breathed harshly, unable to even lift his head when Eridan let go of him.

What the hell? Eridan hadn’t laid a finger on him for his own pleasure.

“You are an insatiable whore, Sol.” Eridan’s voice was a dark whisper against his ear. “I wouldn’t willingly get off on you, not if it was to restore the entire sea dweller empire.” He stood and walked away.

Sollux couldn’t believe it. Eridan... Eridan had fucking tricked _him_ into looking like the pathetic one. He was too tired to move a muscle and fuck if Equius came back and saw him like this. He would have to psychically reduce his think-pan to mush and get a new apprentice.

While Sollux stewed over his humiliating defeat, Eridan tried to put as much distance between himself and Captor as possible. He found a storage room to lock himself in where he sank down against the wall and panted. Purple was dripping down the insides of his thighs. It had taken every bit of self-restraint to walk away from that scene.

So long as Sollux didn’t know, he still won, right?

He hated himself. He’d done this before, but there had been some innocent excitement along with the humiliation. He had wanted to because it was good, while this time it was a necessity. He hissed as he wrapped his fingers around his bulge. _Don’t fucking cry_.

Purple slime dripped between his fingers and stained his hand as he stroked himself. With his other hand he fingered his nook, pushing in and out. His face was wet. It tasted salty in his mouth as bitter pleasure wracked his body. He wished for anything other than Sollux to think about, but there was only Sollux writhing on the floor underneath him, Sollux penetrating his every orifice, Sollux torturing him repeatedly.

 _Don’t fucking cry_.

Eridan was crying. He was so ashamed, and he didn’t know what he’d done to deserve Equius’ fingers slowly stroking through his hair. He realized he was squeezing Equius’ hand with all his might, but it didn’t appear to be a bother. Silent tears ran down the sides of his face, trickling down his fins to drip in the grass.

Equius stroked his cheek and took hold of his chin. “You may order me to cave his skull in. It is already half expected of me.”

“No,” Eridan murmured. “No, he would still function at the same level anyway.” He refused to acknowledge Sollux was a genius. “Why do you even work with him?”

“...Because of a girl.”

“Oh.”

“I mean to say that we met because of her. She was a rustblood; a fitting match for Sollux.”

Eridan relaxed at that. “I sea.”

“Sollux came to me with her ghost, requesting I create a new body for her. It... It went unexpected.”

Eridan glanced sideways at Equius, who looked very uncomfortable now.

“Affairs may have been had. Still I am not sure whether they were of black or red inclinations. Either way she is now lost permanently, and with our common friends, it was hard for Sollux and I to avoid each other afterwards. Perhaps Sollux and I hoped for our animosity to become something more, but our perpetual indifference towards one another is preventing any such thing from sparking. I acknowledge she had stronger ties to him. Initially I forced her feelings, and our relations were vacillating and confusing ever since.”

“She was a rustblood. It’s not as if you should feel bad about it.” Equius looked mournful nevertheless. Eridan gave his hand a squeeze of comfort. “Is Sol over it?”

“His grief distanced him from all his acquaintances but for me. He visits her grave, often moping around there for many nights at a time. That is why he has left us to ourselves.”

Eridan shifted against Equius, making himself more comfortable. “Why do you keep coming?”

“Habit, and the expectations of society. I find that it would be unsuitable for someone of my noble breed to start something and not finish it.”

Eridan snorted. “Idiot.” He wrapped his arms around Equius’ waist. “I am sorry to hear about her, but by the sound of it you were dating a robot.”

“Some would argue more constructive than spending entire nights destroying robots.”

Eridan smirked and patted his chest. He didn’t doubt for a second that this was one of Equius’ favourite pastimes.

It wasn’t a question about whether he wanted Equius in one of his quadrants, but rather about how guilty he’d feel about getting his way. Sollux had run one of his usual check-ups before he left them to angst over some dead girl. He had said something that made Eridan uneasy. They had been in his laboratory, just the two of them. X-rays and other images and graphs were plastered over the walls in chronological order.

“These results are bothering me,” Sollux said, staring at the timeline of X-rays. “And it’s not because the x-ray timeline isn’t symmetrical.”

“No? You don’t mean...?”

“Yes. I’m afraid your body isn’t adapting as well as it should.”

“No, what I meant to say is ‘you are doing actual research?’ I was under the impression you spend all your time trying to cram your bulges where they don’t belong.”

“Shut up and pay attention. The one on the far left,” Sollux explained. “It’s the first image, taken a short time after you got the mutagen. The bones are soft and brittle.” He caressed the crude image in a far more tender way than he’d ever touched Eridan. “For the next few pictures, your bone structure is improving up until about this point.” He pointed to one of the more recent pictures.

“And?”

“Well.” Sollux adjusted his shades. “To put it this way, your x-ray timeline is going to look pretty symmetrical someday soon, judging by the last couple of pictures.”

Eridan leaned forward from where he sat perched on a table. “What, the process is reversing itself?”

“Looks like it.” Sollux took down the image furthest to the right, studying it. “You should be able to stand a while longer, but it’s definitely heading in the wrong direction. Your bones are deteriorating.”

“What does that even mean?” Eridan asked.

“I’ll have to run a few more tests. I can turn you back, but I’d rather try and fix the mutagen and make it work properly.”

Eridan would like that too. He hadn’t exactly made friends, but there were actually other people in his life. He was making progress. Sollux had let him have a bathrobe and seemed genuinely interested in helping him. Perhaps they were in fact progressing to some concentrated sort of blackrom.

“We are a kismesis now, aren’t we?” Eridan asked.

Sollux dropped everything and whirled on him. “Whoa, we fucked a few times; that doesn't mean I hate you in that way,” he said. “Actually, I don’t think I ever said I hated you.”

Eridan frowned. “It’s been some pretty hateful fucking. I mean, I’m definitely disgusted by what we have done.”

Sollux scoffed. “Fine. Sure you were. I wasn’t. And we’re done here, so get out.”

“That shore is a black thing to say,” Eridan said lightly and pushed himself down from the table.

“I'm telling you to fuck off because you are annoying.”

“And because you can't stand me.”

“Yes, whatever,” Sollux said with a scowl. “So get out before I vivisect your sorry ass.”

“Ha!” Eridan exclaimed, tiptoeing around to smirk at him. “You do hate me.”

With a nod of his head, Sollux pushed Eridan out the door with psionic force. Eridan lay sprawled on the floor as the door slammed.

“That shore is a black thing to do,” he muttered.

He was picked up and returned to his tank by the bicyclops, and he didn’t ask Sollux about it again. Alone, he brooded over his rejection. Sollux was clearly out of his mind to turn him down and this was below him. If you couldn’t hatemance Eridan Ampora, surely there was no one to hatemance.

Then it was the question of romance, which brought him back to the present moment. It was nights later, Sollux was off to cry over his dead girlfriend and he was basking in his time alone with Equius. Sollux had been gone for longer than planned. Equius had stayed, true to his word about taking care of him while Sollux was away.

Eridan insisted Equius showed him around outside. He only had so much time before he could no longer stand upright. There was no way they could get to the city like this. Sometimes they would laze about outside the hive, other times he would make Equius walk with him along the river. It ran silent and slow through the country, glittering in the moonlight. They had walked the better part of the night when Eridan’s knees gave in. His bones were like knives cutting into his flesh, but he had been trudging on with such determination that Equius hadn’t noticed. He caught Eridan before he fell.

“We are going back,” he said as he straightened Eridan up and put him on his feet again. “You are frail and Sollux would object to exhausting you like this.” Eridan hadn’t told him that the mutagen had been a failure, but he wasn’t stupid. Eridan had been doing worse every night.

“I am not frail.” Eridan was spitting and hissing at the suggestion.

“If I may be so frank; yes you are.”

“You may not,” Eridan said. He glanced up towards a barren hill ahead. The tall grass was swaying in the night breeze. He grabbed Equius’ hand and looked at him with big eyes. “Just a little further? We are almost there.”

“I was not aware that we had a specific objective in mind. You need to at least have a rest.”

Eridan puffed himself up with frustration as he failed to change Equius’ mind, let alone unsettle him with suggestive undertones. “I am going up to that glubbing hill whether you want me to or not, are you herring me?”

“What difference does it make?” Equius asked, looking towards the empty height of land ahead of them as if expecting to find something exceptionally attractive about it. He failed to do so. The river ran down towards it and around it. “Is there a reason why you would desire to go there in particular?”

“Beachause fuck you.”

“We had a conversation about your foul language, if you recall.”

Equius seemed genuinely concerned, but Eridan was too angry to think of him as much other than an annoying prick right then. Being so helpless was driving him crazy. It was all because Sollux was such a fucking failure and hadn’t bothered to fix him before going on his emo graveyard tour. He grabbed onto Equius’ hair and glared at him. “Shut up and carry me there if you’re going to be such a worrygrub.”

Equius hesitated. “Is that what you would like?”

“I _order_ you to do it right now.”

“... Excellent.”

It was something about the way Equius said it that made Eridan blush furiously. Still he had no qualms about being carried, except for a yelp of surprise as Equius picked him up like nothing. He realized just how helpless he would be if Equius put his strength into opposing him. Perhaps he should have been scared, but any anxiety was forgotten as soon as he laid his arms around Equius’ neck and pressed his face to his chest. Various feelings passed through him while Equius carried him, but he could say for certain that he felt safe.

Equius had to go out of his way to try and not bruise him. It was a mercy that Eridan was clothed, or this situation would have gotten sticky fast. “Will you tell me why we are doing this?”

“Whale, I figure you don’t much mind the carrying, being all gentlemanly and that.”

“I mean the hill.”

“Just look.” Eridan pointed as they reached the top. Equius squinted in that direction. The river ran as far as they could see, through a barren landscape without any population. Halfway it pooled together in a lake, before flowing further towards the horizon where it spread out in a thin, silvery strip that was barely visible to them.

“We walked all this way to see the ocean?”

“You don’t have to be an ass about it,” Eridan muttered.

“No,” Equius assured. “It appears obvious now that you would miss your home. I would take you all the way there, but not even I could get to the coast before daybreak.”

“I didn’t intend to go back, cuttlefish-brain.”

“That was not...”

“Can we just sit down for a bit?” Eridan was tired and yes, he missed his home and he found it didn’t help to see it glimmering barely within sight on the horizon.

Equius kneeled down in the grass and let go of Eridan, but Eridan didn’t let go of him. It was a rather awkward position. Their eyes met, or Eridan thought they did; the sunglasses made it hard to tell. It was impossible to say what was going through Equius’ mind and he became flustered.

“Sorry.”

“I have no right to your apologies,” Equius said with conviction. He sat down when it became apparent that Eridan wasn’t letting go of him. It was like having a barnacle.

“If I wanted to hang out with a mind-reader, I would go party with Sollux and his dead girlfriend.” Eridan winced. “Sorry about that too.” Mentioning her made Equius look like a forlorn, sad little thing and that was just wrong.

“You should still not apologize,” Equius said anyway.

“Why aren’t you visiting her?” Eridan asked.

“I do, on rare occasions. As a psionic, Sollux may be experiencing some stronger connection from visiting her and, as I said, she cared more for him.”

“Great glubbing trout knows why. Lie down, will you?”

“Could you try that without the question at the end?”

“Just do it.”

Equius laid down in the grass. Eridan let his hands slide down to settle on his chest and rested his head on his shoulder while he stared out towards the tiny sliver of home. After a while Equius raised a hand to stroke his back. In all honesty it was a bit too heavy handed, but Equius was trying so hard and Eridan didn’t say anything. He was enjoying himself anyway; it wasn’t hard enough to leave marks. Sort of pleasant, really.

“I have been thinking,” he said after a while of just lying there. He was apprehensive, especially after what Sollux had said to him, but being where he was, being reminded of how much he missed home... There was a reason as to why he wasn’t trying to get back there. It was hard to think of Feferi all alone out there. Last he saw of her, she had made her home in a swarm of cuttlefish. His caliginous intentions had failed, and he told himself he wasn’t going to be a coward about the flushed feelings he was harbouring.

Heh. _Harbouring_.

Anyway, he was flushed redder than the clouds drifting overhead. If he was to compare the shade of his feelings for Equius to the hemospectrum it would be some disgusting mutant colour and it terrified him. Equius might flat out reject him or, even worse, accept his feelings out of some perverted form of obligation. Actually, Eridan could live with that. On the other hand, Equius wasn’t a doormat. He would stomp a hole in the ground putting his foot down if Eridan gave him too much shit.

“... And?” Equius asked in polite inquiry.

Shit. Shit. _Shit_. _Shit_. He shouldn’t have said anything. Equius was the one good thing left and he was going to fuck it all up like always. Realizing there was no other way out of this, Eridan cleared his throat.

“Well.” No whales in this conversation. Shit was getting too serious for whales. “We both lost our girlfriends. She wasn’t my girlfriend but she would have been... _Anyway_ , I am trying to say we have a lot in common and that was a pretty retarded attempt, wasn’t it?” Eridan groaned. He hid his face under Equius’ chin. He was burning up with embarrassment. He felt Equius’ hand going still on his back, just holding him.

“We have shared our lamentations and you feel we have formed a bond. I understand,” Equius said. “Before you go on, there is something I should tell you.”

“No, no let me finish,” Eridan insisted. He had to do this. If he didn’t confess to his raging red disposition _now_ he would burst. Even when he, usually so eloquent, stumbled over his words in fear, Equius knew what he meant, or at least took it like a gentleman. He wanted Equius to know there was nothing innocent about why he wanted his strong arms around him, or to sit in his lap or lie close to him. Eridan wanted to feel every inch of his muscular body. He firmly believed Equius could undo every revolting action Sollux had gotten him into.

Equius was quiet, waiting for Eridan to say something as requested. Eridan dared himself to look up at him. He had no idea where all these feelings were coming from. He should just kiss Equius and maybe it would get through this idiot’s thick think-pan and no, insulting him didn’t help. It did the opposite of help and he actually wanted to be _nice_. Why wasn’t there a good fish pun for confessing this sort of crap? Feferi would have come up with something, and that in mind he managed a few heart-breaking words.

“We should be moirails.”

It seemed a less scary proposal. Equius wouldn’t actually be rejecting his flushed feelings if he said no, and it didn’t seem as serious by far. It was also completely, utterly wrong. Eridan would claw his eyes out if he had to suffer in silence with yet another person he pitied but at this point he would take anything. He couldn’t even tell what Equius’ reaction was. Was that annoyance?

“I was about to tell you. I have a moirail,” Equius said.

“Oh. You have a moirail.” Eridan was almost relieved. “Back in the city?”

Equius nodded. “Her name is Nepeta. It is my fault for not telling you about her before.”

“I should have asked,” Eridan said. He slid off Equius to lie on his back next to him with a frown. “We don’t know each other that well, after all.”

“I was not sure of what to tell you.” Equius sat up so he could meet Eridan’s eyes. “Forgive me, for I have been a craven. My initial discomfort with your advances was out of uncertainty as to your intentions. Never would I intentionally commit adultery towards her; our meowrallegiance is too _strong_.”

“Meow?” Eridan said while he tried to keep his seething jealousy under control. He turned his face to the side, unable to stop frowning. He looked hurt and there was no point in pretending that he wasn’t boiling over.

“She is not of as noble a breed as that of you by far, or as koi with her use of puns, but she excels at them nevertheless and has proven herself a fierce and loyal pale companion. I cannot betray my moirail for you.”

“I get it,” Eridan said with tears in his eyes. “Shut up about her, alright?” He tried to push himself away from Equius, but he was pulled back. He wanted to scream and kick and never see Equius’ face again because his fury was eating him from inside and out.

“For you I have a different proclivity, and if you will excuse me...”

Equius took him by the front of his shirt, pulled him up and kissed him. It was rough, though he was probably trying his best not to be. It took a moment for Eridan to realize he was being snogged and not assaulted, but when he realized what was going on he was just _too fucking pleased_. It was embarrassing and wet from tears, almost chaste to begin with. Then Eridan was furiously running his hands along Equius’ arms, through his hair, trying to hug the other closer to him until they were locked in a tight embrace on the ground.

“Eq,” he gasped when they broke apart in order to breathe. His arms were wrapped around Equius’ waist, their legs tangled together. “Was that a fish pun you used before?”

“... Yes?”

Eridan kissed him all the more passionately. Equius was hot and damp against him. He smelled of sweet arousal and desperation. He was all lean muscles and Eridan was open and ready for him if he could just get his glubbing trousers off. On the other hand, they weren’t within the safety of the hive any longer.

“Salmon could see us,” he said, tickling Equius’ neck with his warm breath.

“If you find this a suitable time for fish puns, I doubt you are truly concerned,” Equius said and kissed his forehead, his temple, his cheek. He traced careful kisses down his throat and made him shudder in delight. “Besides, there is nothing more glorious than giving in to our primal desires out in the wild. We should be proud and without shame. Also, the grass _is_ rather tall.”

Eridan laughed. Then he coughed. Fuck. He’d been out of the water too long. He didn’t care. Equius was pushing his sweater up, exploring his body with reverent hands. Yes, this was what he wanted. They would actually not be making an atrocious yellow swill together. Weeks ago it had seemed as if he would never know anything but hatred and disgust from intimacy. This was...

He gasped, clearly out of pain. No, this was just stupid. He simply _had_ to go to the hill and away from the water. Equius stopped touching him and he whined.

“Should we get you back to the river?”

“No, don’t fucking stop,” Eridan said and kicked at Equius’ chest. It did him more damage than it did Equius. “ _Oww._ ”

“Language.”

He wasn’t given a choice. Equius shouldn’t be this capable of restraining himself. Self-discipline shouldn’t even have been in his ridiculously superfluous vocabulary. He got a bone bulge over every other thing and here he was, pulling Eridan’s sweater back down and scooping him up in his arms. He kissed Eridan on the nose, and maybe it was okay. For now. It did fucking hurt.

Once they got to the river, the mood was dampened anyway. They might as well go back to the hive because the sun would come up soon. Eridan wasn’t so eager to fuck that he would like to burn to death and forego the chance to a second fuck.

“You are carrying me back,” he said. So Equius carried him back. He had dampened his gills, and now he could just enjoy Equius’ arms around him without even feeling creepy about it. Now he could feel guilty instead. He should tell Equius what was going on.

It was still dark when they got back. Equius set Eridan down on the couch and stroked his face with affection. “Would you prefer to call it a night and retire to the tank?”

“Undress me,” Eridan said.

“O-oh.”

Equius was sweating. Eridan tried not to smirk. He held his arms up. Equius hesitantly took his glasses off before he took the bottom of his sweater and started pulling it up. He did it slowly, as if forgetting the purpose of what he was doing. He was admiring all the pale skin as he revealed it. Perfect.

“Eq,” Eridan said in a murmur. “What would happen with us if I turned back to having a fin?” he asked.

“That depends.” Equius pulled the sweater over Eridan’s head. “Would you still be in possession of the same intimate equipment?”

Eridan didn’t know if Equius was joking or not. He supposed he should be flattered, and it wasn’t exactly inter-species, but he really didn’t want it to come to that. “What would happen is that I would have to go back to the ocean. You wouldn’t choose to go with me, I’m sure.”

“As much as it pains me I would have to decline, yes. I am not of the right breed for such a thing, even if Sollux’ science may make it possible. I also have Nepeta, and other responsibilities I would not wish to shirk.” He took Eridan’s face in his hands, looking at him sternly. “But I would see you whenever I could. My feelings for you are _strong_ and flushed whether we are compatible or not.”

Eridan decided to be flattered. Equius was passionate unlike anyone he had met (which wasn’t necessarily saying so much, but he was truly passionate anyway). He wanted to lose himself in this fiery crimson infatuation, but then he had to come clean. “You probably noticed...”

Equius pressed a finger to his lips. “I noticed. It saddens me in ways I cannot begin to describe to know that Sollux failed, but I also know he will insist on saving you if only to prove that he can. Please; let us enjoy what time we have, unknowing of whether it will last or not. You will let me know if you need something of me.”

Eridan nodded silently, ready to tear up again. Equius had no right to be so damn understanding and accommodating. He was probably a jerk to lowbloods he didn’t work for. _Hah_ , Eridan would have liked to see that. “Sollux said he would fix it,” he said.

Equius removed his finger and kissed the corner of Eridan’s mouth. “See. We have no reason to worry.” He opened Equius’ trousers. He had seen him naked many times before. This was different. Eridan’s thighs and groin was slicked with purple, even though he was closed up again. Equius bit his lip as he slid the trousers along Eridan’s thighs, over his knees and down around his ankles. He looked up at Eridan, now kneeling in front of him. Eridan smirked.

“Do you like that colour?” he purred, casually taking his knees further apart and sliding a little forward in his seat. “Do you want to taste it?” He was thriving with the way Equius looked at him, as if he was something venerable to be worshipped. By all means he _was_. He stroked a finger over himself before he touched it to Equius’ mouth. He parted willing lips and slid his finger in. Equius’ tongue flickered over him, as if in doubt as to whether this was appropriate. All that talk about being proud and without shame, and when he actually got a taste, literally, he was blushing like a child and unable to find words.

“Suck.” Eridan’s voice was soft and affectionate. When Equius had sucked his finger clean, he put his hand on top of Equius’ head and pushed him down between his legs. The tip of his bulge was already making itself seen, dripping fresh purple. Eridan groaned as Equius licked it, stroking the tip of his tongue over his lightly parted slit. Equius lapped his thighs and groin clean before even considering taking his bulge into his mouth. Fuck, Eridan was breathless already. Equius’ lips closed around the tip of his bulge, sucking hard and coaxing more of it out. The slick tentacle grew hard, filling his mouth until it was too much.

His tongue stroked and tasted while his fingers grasped around the thick base. He was making an effort to drink Eridan down, but it was only making a mess. Gasping for air he let his hands work the bulge while he dipped his head down to press his tongue into the nook. His tongue was a long, powerful muscle that turned Eridan into a writhing jumble of whimpered words. Eridan was holding onto Equius’ horns, pressing him down with one hand and clutching a fist of his hair in the other.

The wriggling tongue made him arch his back and cry out. He grabbed Equius’ hands. He couldn’t force them away, but they obeyed his every instruction. He placed them on his hips. The tip of his bulge pressed against Equius’ lips, wanting back into his mouth. Equius obeyed once more. He let Eridan shove his bulge all the way down his throat while he still had his tongue deep in his nook.

Equius probably couldn’t breathe, but he was pulling Eridan to him every time he thrust his face against his groin. Eridan had no choice in letting Equius pull and push at his hips. Those firm, _strong_ fingers only added to the unstoppable onslaught of pleasure. Purple slime dripped down Equius’ chin and he couldn’t even make himself feel sorry as he came. It was too good, and Equius was too fucking delicious on his knees and soaking wet from him.

He lay breathless with his legs slung over Equius’ shoulders. He couldn’t move a muscle, and poor Equius was just sitting there, patient despite what was likely a furious bone bulge. He was staring right at his prize and Eridan would like nothing more than to let him have it. This was when they heard the distant click in the lock of the entrance door.

They couldn’t catch one fucking break.

Eridan hadn’t even recovered before Equius was up. Fresh towels were always at hand, and he helped Eridan clean up. He didn’t say a word; he was angry. He would probably have murdered Sollux right there if Eridan hadn’t asked him not to. After some rough handling, Eridan was back in the tank and Equius had slung himself down behind Sollux’ desk with a book.

Sollux entered the lab, looking haggard and crabby. He first looked to Eridan floating carelessly in the tank, then to Equius.

“I told you not to sit there.”

“I do not take orders from lowbloods,” Equius said, but then considered it. “Actually...” Sollux broke him off.

“You said you wouldn’t. Not very polite to break a promise.”

“Oh. Fishsticks. It slipped my mind.”

Sollux frowned. “You don’t have to be obvious about you and fish-face frolicking about together.”

“We have done no such thing,” Equius said. He got up. “There has been no frolicking. In fact, my life has been void of frolicking during your entire absence.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Honest to the Grub Mother, I have no idea what you are blathering on about.”

“Then what are those bruises?” Sollux asked and pointed to Eridan. Equius looked.

Deep purple bruises had formed across Eridan’s ass, hips and thighs. Eridan looked at them and underwater shrugged.

“Oh. Fishsticks.”

Sollux wasn’t particularly impressed by this feeble attempt at hiding their affair. He just shook his head and nudged Equius to move away from his desk. “It’s not like I care. It’s too late to stop you from tampering with my experiment anyway.”

“That is truly what you feel about the matter?” Equius asked. He was suspicious, not thinking Sollux would allow interference out of the goodness of his heart. “Why?”

Sollux sat down in front of his laptop, trying to make a point out of not participating in the conversation with anything but the minimal amount of effort. “Even if he was my kismesis, which he isn’t, I wouldn’t be jealous of your weird star-crossed lover crap. I can feel myself slipping into a diabetic shock just thinking about it. Now, I have stuff to do and you desperately need to shower.”

Equius leaned over Sollux’ desk and closed his laptop. “You left immediately after discovering that your mutagen was a failure. Eridan is not faring well and you have not been here to help him. I too miss her, and such strong devotion is admirable, but this was no appropriate time for you to visit Aradia’s remains.”

Sollux’ expression was blank. “You don’t understand. It should be possible to reanimate her again in some way if I can just figure out—”

Equius slammed him against the wall with one hand around his neck. Sollux spluttered. The air was knocked out of him and something wet was trickling down the back of his head.

“You will figure out Eridan first. I order you to.”

Sollux clawed at Equius’ hand, unable to talk or breathe. Equius let go and he gasped, sinking onto the floor next to his toppled chair. His glasses had fallen and shattered. Fucking worst apprentice ever. But Equius was right. “I failed,” he muttered to himself. “I shouldn’t have fucking failed. I suck at everything and it was stupid to try in the first place.”

“Your blubbering aids no one. I order you to not doubt your performance.”

Sollux was hugging his knees, helplessly caught in a down spiral. “I didn’t want to come back. What if I fail again? If I screw things up with Eridan, how could I ever try and fix Aradia?”

Equius grabbed the front of Sollux’ t-shirt and hauled him up to his feet. He picked his chair up and put him decisively down in front of his computer. “You will lament your unstable emotional and mental state at a different time. You gave him legs in the first place, and that is a greater feat than most could accomplish.”

“What does any of that matter now?” Sollux groaned.

“At a less crucial time I may have harboured greater sympathies for your frail mind, but your intellect is needed immediately.”

Equius smacked the back of Sollux’ head. Sollux’ face slammed into his keyboard.

“I will keep hitting you until you do your job.”

From the corner of the lab, Eridan was watching this all transpire. He couldn’t hear what they were saying at this distance, but that didn’t stop him from laughing at Sollux’ misfortune. He really wanted to hug Equius right then, or in the very least cheer him on.

Equius stood over Sollux for the remainder of the night, until he barely had enough time to make it back to the city before daybreak. He stopped at Eridan’s tank, placing a hand and his forehead against the cool glass. Eridan let himself drift down in the water to be level with him.

“I will leave you, but only for a little while,” he said. “I was meant to be back nights ago, and I cannot let my moirail wait any longer. It is not polite.”

Eridan tried not to feel jealous or abandoned. He placed his hand over Equius’ in a show of acceptance, if only because he had no desire to smother him immediately. It would be hard to have a moment’s privacy with Sollux around, anyway.

“You will tell me if he hurts or neglects you in my absence.”

Eridan would have told him that he didn’t need Equius to take care of him in that way. He also would have told him to stay, to never leave him again. Instead he waved a meek farewell as Equius said his goodbye and left.

It seemed things were about to return to normal. Sollux worked while Eridan floated around in the tank. It was so goddamn boring now, though. He’d had so much fun the last nights. Every moment with Equius was embarrassing but also so intense and good. He wanted to show him just how flushed he was for him, taste him back, offer himself for Equius to enjoy. It would be under his pretences, but Equius didn’t act as if that would be a problem, quite the contrary.

Next time, Eridan would just order him to stay.

*

The next night, Eridan basically made such a racket in his tank that Sollux had no choice but to let him out if he didn’t want a migraine.

“Zahhak has spoiled you,” he complained from his workbench. He could see Eridan in the clothes Equius had brought him, leaning over the aquarium with the axolotls. They were nipping at his fingers and slowly flapping their stunted legs while they tried to climb up his arm.

“Because _someone_ has been neglecting me,” Eridan said in a huff. “And you don’t want him to hear me complain when he comes back.”

“I should have known you’d end up hiding behind him.”

Eridan told himself that it wasn’t worth it. He pulled his hand out of the aquarium so he wouldn’t accidentally hurt the salamanders as he clenched his fists tight. “I am not hiding behind him.” It took great effort to keep his voice level. “You are just not worth my time. It’s about delegating, but a pissblood like you wouldn’t get that.”

“Sure. Whatever.”

Sollux went back to his work. Eridan was fuming. He was bored, and Sollux dared to piss him off after rejecting him for kismesis. He wasn’t sure whether it meant that they had to stop fucking. It was the only thing Sollux was even remotely useful for. He didn’t want it to seem as if he was cheating on Equius simply because Sollux didn’t hate him in that way. Fuck, this was complicated.

It had long since dawned on him that attempting communication with Sollux was about as rewarding as inviting a sea urchin to dance; he might have appreciated the offer if he understood the basics of the concept. Eridan would have tried not to take it personal, but on the other hand he prided himself with the ability of making _everything_ personal. Instead of leaving Sollux to his work, he would examine things in the laboratory, picking up preserves and instruments that by their very nature had a big, metaphorical “do not touch” stamped overhead. All the while he watched Sollux out of the corner of his eye, measuring his level of annoyance.

He was genuinely interested in science, but bothering Sollux was first priority. While Sollux was engrossed with the computer screen, making changes to the formula of his mutagen, Eridan had silently perched himself on his desk. “What’s this for?” he asked, making Sollux jump.

“How the fuck can you even move around like that with legs as shitty as yours?” Sollux snarled. He looked at Eridan, just to check if he was talking about anything breakable. He was holding a tracheotome. No danger there, unless he accidentally managed to stab himself in the throat.

“Actually, don’t tell me. Let me borrow your computer.”

“I’m _working_.”

“I want to see if I can troll google my way to what it is.”

“How is that any different from me telling you what it is?”

“You are a lowblood shithead, that’s the difference.”

Sollux shook his head. He’d given up. “Fine. What the fuck do I care, it’s just your legs I’m trying to fix. Knock yourself out.” He pushed the laptop towards Eridan and got up. “Why don’t you fix the mutagen while you’re at it, and I’ll make sandwiches or something.” He left.

Eridan tossed the tracheotome over his shoulder. He took the computer, checking Trollian. Sollux was logged in. Good. Eridan brought up his contact list. Sollux only had two contacts; that was just sad. One was offline. When Eridan hovered the mouse over the name apocalypseArisen, Trollian informed him that the contact had been offline for over a year. Dead girlfriend alert. Deleting her from the list would cut Sollux heart _and_ number of contacts in half.

The other one, centaursTesticle, could only be one person, unless Sollux knew any other embarrassing people with an affinity for blue.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] --

TA: eq

TA: eq stop bein all coddly wwith your moireel this is eridan

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] changed handle to caligulasAquarium [CA] --

CT: D--> Should Sollu% decide to maintain the purple font colour, I may feel more inclined as to answer him in the future

CA: you slut

CA: an i say that in regards to both your comment and

CA: wwhat the fuck is that a bulge

CT: D--> I am confused as to why anyone, upon first seeing my magnificent and proud bow and arrow, would make that assumption

CA: its a boww and arroww

CA: yes

CA: shore

CA: boww and arroww

CA: wwhatevver you lake

CA: thou typin wwith sols ugly ass font did make me cringe

CA: an oh my cod he is so fuckin borin

CT: D--> By “boring” I hope you are implying that he is deeply involved in tending to our current predicament

CA: i may have kicked him off his computer wwhile he wwas in the middle of somethin

CT: D--> Then he was indeed tending to our current predicament

CA: predicament wwhich predicament you havve to be more pacific

CT: D-->

CT: D--> “Current” can double as a marine pun, if more pacific is what you desire

CA: ugh i mean specific

CT: D--> Eridan, you are in need of help. I understand Sollu% may not be the most entertaining of hosts, but you should not interrupt him if he is in fact working on making you better

CA: i shrimply cod not stand it any longer okay he is drivvin me up the wwall wwhich is a huge feat in my current condition

CA: also

CA: it may just be that

CA: i miss you

CA: okay?

CA: i mean shore i knoww i can be clingy an suffocatin

CA: an smotherin

CA: an annoyin

CA: an self seantered

CA: fef nevver said it

CA: an a dont expect ill find anyone else wwho accepts all of that an still flushes for me

CA: i mean i dont knoww for shore if she wwas flushed but its pretty obvious right

CA: but hey it doesnt matter now anywwavve

CA: i havve you an maybe you can be so nice as to let me havve one moment of not thinkin about how shit everythin is an not worry

CA: its not shit wwhen youre around

CA: an i dont know anyone else who cod endear themselves to me while havin codamn bestiality in their handle

CT: D--> First of all, I would like for you to e%plain how you acquired the ability of typing at the speed of light while living underwater

CT: D--> Secondly, your sentiment stirs deep affection within the cockles of my heart. I would go as far as to declare that you are a saccharine delight, despite the subtle jab at the theme of my handle

CT: D--> In fact, I find this double-edged sword of flattery and denunciation to be of monarchical quality

CA: wwhale yes you fuckin genius

CA: glubbin genius

CA: wwaterver

CA: after i showwed my purple bone bulge dowwn your throat before i think its pretty obvious wwho is royalty

CT: D--> ...I think

CT: D--> I need a towel

CA: you are not goin anywwhere

CT: D--> As you wish

CT: D--> It may please you if I reinforce the fact that your royal b100d is not all that tickles my desire to stay, and not pursue my need for freshly laundered hygiene implements

CA: hold on sol is back wwith sandwwiches

CT: D--> I too have come to pine for our sweet time together, and I wish to be a t001 for you to erase your ennui, to end your ve%ation and

CT: D--> Oh

CT: D--> Very well

CT: D--> Nevertheless, this f001’s presence does not deter me when offered a chance to read your delicious purple text

CA: yes you shore knoww wwhat purple tastes like noww haha

CT: D--> ... I am relieved that Nepeta is not in the pro%imity and able to see how e%tremely b100 I am b100shing at this precise moment. Your cruelty knows no bounds, but neigh would I like you to be any different

CT: D--> Have you succumbed to food poisoning yet

CA: this is actually pretty glubbin delicious

CA: if he fails at bein a scientist wwhich he already did sol cod make an acceptable kitchen wwench

CA: hes already qualified for that sort of thin by the yelloww swwill in his vveins

CA: but then again slappin some honey on a slice of bread is not a huge accomplishment is it

CT: Eridan STOP!

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] changed handle to twinArmageddons [TA] --

TA: fuckiing great. iim 2liippiing iintwo a hypero2molar nonketotiic coma from reading thii2 tiirade of 2hiity concupii2cent confe22iion2.

TA: that mean2 diiabete2 iis no longer 2uffiiciient two de2criibe how my thiink-pan ii2 rotting out of my ear2 from readiing your creepy bull2hiit.

TA: holy grubfuckiing what.

TA: ii diid not need two know eridouche fiinally got around to fuckiing your 2weaty ugly face.

TA: ii need bleach for my thiink-pan and hu2ktop 2tat.

CT: D--> Who, of all mentally deranged sociopaths in e%istence, specifically stated that one does never consume the mind honey? Is he alright

TA: he wiill ju2t be out for 2ome tiime and probably have 2ome fucked up dream2.

TA: he2 keepiing me from helpiing hiim. you 2ould be grateful you prick.

CT: D--> This had better be truth, for by the time I reach your hive I will have had plenty of time to contemplate what I may do to you

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

Eridan had slumped down from the chair and onto the floor. His eyes were empty and shining with psionic energy which did nothing for him, since he didn’t have the slightest bit of seer in him. Sollux, who was already such a powerful psychic, would have been driven into temporary madness and overdrive. In Eridan’s untrained mind the honey could do nothing but wreck havoc with random memories and symbolic scenarios of varying relevance.

He found that, once he had a moment to collect the thoughts lazily floating around his head, that this was wonderfully relaxing. There was sunshine on him and it didn’t hurt. So much yellow. He hadn’t been on a beach during the day before, but his mind was doing a good job at conjuring golden sand. It glittered like diamonds between his toes. Little diamonds, sticking to his damp skin and shining so brightly, like stars.

There were stars in Equius’ hair, and Eridan reached a hand out to brush the sand away. It was so bright. Equius let Eridan borrow his shades, and they were smiling as they played in the sand. Equius tried to help him with his sandcastle but it broke in his _strong_ hands, this thing they were trying to build together. Eridan guided his fingers, helped him be gentle and place the shells all around the castle wall. The shells sparkled white and pink. They had made something beautiful, and then Sollux came and kicked the towers down and stomped on the castle walls.

Eridan laughed as Equius beat Sollux into a bloody pulp. He picked up the broken shells and they built a new sand castle, bigger this time. It would have to be big if Feferi was going to live in it. She liked pretty things, and Eridan made her a garden of seaweed and coral. Where was Equius? Eridan had walked so long in the corridors and halls of the castle he had no idea where he was. The ocean tasted of sadness and tears. It was Aradia’s fault and she was the most beautiful person Eridan had never seen, and how could Equius possibly pity him after losing her? The sadness and tears were because of her, and Feferi.

Eridan didn’t know where Feferi was. He tried to call for her but he had no voice. He tried to apologize to Aradia because he wasn’t her, but he should have been saying that to Equius and not her. Aradia said it was okay. She was okay with a lot of things, and soon he would be too. Eridan was afraid to die, but Aradia told him it would be alright. Equius pitied him now, so Eridan wouldn’t have to turn into sea foam. That was a small comfort.

But what about Fef? She couldn’t hear him anymore. She would never hear him again. His voice couldn’t reach her because he wasn’t like her anymore. He said goodbye to the voice Feferi could hear a long time ago, when they were swimming between the ruins of the last castle. He visited her like he always did. She had made a home in the castle throne room, where she decorated with twinkling shells and stones. She smiled at him as he came, so excitable and brilliant and happy. She always was, chattering with the sea creatures as if they weren’t the only two people in existence. She always had them. Eridan often wondered if she really needed him.

He called out to her and reached for her hand. They curled their fingers together and he kissed her hand with affection and anxiety. He had feared for some time that she would forget about him. Still, she smiled at him, and she swam past him without a word he could understand. She took him by his wrists and they swam together through the broken roof, spiralling around each other on their way through the dark waters. Light shone down on them from above. Eridan looked at her in wonder and begged her to say something, but she couldn’t. She’d chosen a different way.

They broke the surface and cold air hit their wet faces. Eridan wouldn’t stop staring at her, pleading for any sign of affection. She indicated something in the horizon. The shore. There were people there who, like Eridan, had no voice in which to speak to her. She didn’t want him to be alone. She wasn’t; she had her friends whom Eridan had no voice for. Eridan didn’t want to go and he cried and he cried, more alone than ever. She would forget him soon and this was her last act of recognition.

His body twitched. He was foaming at the mouth. Sollux had left him on the floor right where he’d dropped. Sollux was working, and he didn’t say a word when Equius arrived.

“Where is he?” Equius demanded.

Sollux pointed a thumb towards Eridan’s shaking body. Equius hurried to his side and lifted Eridan from the floor.

“Eridan?”

“Nnnrrgh.”

“Sollux, I swear...”

“It’s so I could get some work done,” Sollux snapped. “Can you both leave me alone now? I’m doing you a service here and I’m really just asking for some peace and quiet.”

Equius took Eridan with him out of the room and laid him out on the couch. Eridan was mumbling all sorts of things, grabbing onto Equius’ arms to prevent him from moving away. “The axolotls told me about stairs.”

“I am certain they did.”

“It keeps happening.”

“You will be alright,” Equius said and stroked Eridan’s hair. “Sollux said it will wear off.”

“Mh.” Eridan was able to focus on him with some degree of clarity. “Eq. It’s you,” he said with a dazed grin. “I don’t have to turn into sea foam because I have your heart. It’s all going to be fine. Your emotional blood-pusher saved me.”

“I was not aware it had such capabilities, but I am overcome with joy to know you will not transmute into something normally used to decorate the top of waves.”

“I can be bloody good wave decoration if I like,” Eridan said, turning sour immediately. His childish tenacity made Equius smile. Eridan grumbled as his forehead was kissed and he turned around and hid his face against Equius’ arm. “Can’t you cull Sollux already?”

“It would be inadvisable while he is still working on the mutagen. How are your legs?”

“Awful, and now my head hurts too. What was that?”

“Mind honey. It allows his bees to function as processors in his computer.”

“Bees. What.”

“He keeps them in the basement. Somehow he finds that a lab environment is unsuitable for them.”

Eridan let out a tired breath and turned his head to look up at Equius. His head was clearing up. He didn’t remember much of what he had seen in his drug-induced state, and he was glad. He reached up and stroked Equius’ face. “You came back because you were worried.”

“It has become somewhat of a pattern. The trouble you can get into while I am away simply boggles the mind.”

“It’s Sol’s fault. He’s an asshat and also a bee cultivator now all of a sudden. It’s like he’s trying to spread his yellow plague across the land as if he is the colour god of ugly or something.”

“Shoosh,” Equius cooed at him. He kissed Eridan again, so gentle and careful not to bruise his lips.

“How can you not hate him?” Eridan complained. “Wasn’t that the whole point of you working together?”

“Because he is pathetic and alone as he is. To my dismay I have found that hating him beyond the general condescension reserved for all those of the lower class is both pointless and unconstructive. How can you not be worried that I _will_ hate him?”

“He is not my kismesis, he made that clear,” Eridan said with a scoff. “Neither does he seem to give a flounder about you. Should I be worried?” Eridan was always ready with an extra dose of jealousy whether it was warranted or not.

“No. I hope to avoid any such dramatic occurrences on the whole. My only concern is that a dispute between Sollux and I may result in our flushed escapades fading into an ashen triangle of half-hearted disputes.”

“Hah. You are not honestly suggesting I would auspistice between you two? That would require me to actually give a glub. Also...” Eridan pressed a kiss against Equius’ shoulder. “I am too flushed for you to let Sol ruin it.” He leaned against Equius’ chest and pulled one of his arms around him. As if he would think twice about Sol when Equius was around.

Equius stroked his hair while he seemed to contemplate something. Eridan let him. He nuzzled his face under Equius’ chin and made an effort to get into his lap. Equius held him and the world was safe.

“Would it be out of my place to ask the nature of your relationship with Sollux, if you are not a kismesis? I was under the impression that feelings were concupiscent between you.”

“Yes. Well.” Out with the whales again, Eridan supposed. “It’s sort of a pseudo-kismesis where I am in spades for him and he is just a pervert. This is moirail stuff. You shouldn’t have to listen to my whining.”

“I am under the impression that he is taking advantage of your blind, caliginous emotions towards him. If he cannot confess black feelings for you, it is not suitable that you proceed.”

Eridan furrowed his brows. “Are you jealous?”

“Merely looking out for your best interest. You have no moirail to tell you this, so I will say it. There are people far more worthy of your unsubstantiated loathing than Sollux. You need only meet them, but that will not happen if he keeps you here, and under false pretences no less. Forgive my discourteous proclamation, but you deserve someone who can return your hatred.”

“No, no you’re right,” Eridan said in a sigh. “Sollux isn’t forcing me to say. Once he’s sorted me out, it’s time to leave. I just don’t know where to start.”

Equius’ embrace tightened marginally, a cautious show of affection. “You could come home with me.”

“To the city?”

“Yes. I have wanted to introduce you to Aurthour. You never had a lusus and it saddens me to no end. You will surely appreciate Aurthour; he is simply the best.” Equius spoke of him with a fondness Eridan couldn’t understand, but he could long for it. On the other hand, the city was no place for him.

“Even if the mutagen works, I don’t think I would have it in me to face so much noise and people yet. I am tired, Eq.”

Equius stroked his back, assuring him it was alright without a word. “What would you like?”

“Water. It doesn’t have to be back to the ocean. I can settle in a lake or something until I’m ready to go with you. I miss having water all around me.”

“Then I will make sure you have what you desire.”

Eridan settled with that. He had desires right then that he would very much like to act upon, but he was both in pain and overcome with exhaustion. It would have to wait, and Equius gathered as much. Equius took his hand and held it in his own, kissing Eridan’s neck before he whispered to him.

“Once you are well and we are away from here, we will have the chance to consummate our flushed inclinations undisturbed.”

Eridan tried to forget his urgency for now. He could fall asleep in Equius’ arms knowing that things were going his way for once. It would be a few more nights until Sollux had the mutagen ready.

This time, the process was not as painful by far. His bones healed and strengthened and he could squeeze Equius’ hand as hard as he managed the entire time. It stopped hurting. Sollux hadn’t gotten rid of his gills, but that was just as well. Eridan could live with the need for water; he was able to walk now. He agreed with Equius that they would leave in a day, allowing Sollux to run some tests and for Equius to get them ready for the trip. Eridan spent this night alone with Sollux, having various needles and imaging devises stuck in places he didn’t care much for.

“ _Ow_. What’s even the point of this? It worked now, didn’t it?” Eridan barked at him while Sollux drew blood from his arm. “You had better not waste any of that. If I find you sniffing it, or worse, I’ll cull you like you land dwellers would a sick and limping woolbeast.”

“We’ve only seen the immediate results. I apologize if it doesn’t suit His Majesty,” Sollux said spitefully. “We have to be sure nothing went wrong.”

“Ugh, are you fucking squidding me.”

Sollux turned away from the developing X-rays and looked at Eridan with raised brows. “Seriously? _Seriously_? You’re going with that pun? You should be ashamed. That’s atrocious right there. Your puns make newborn wrigglers scream and run back into the gene swill for the chance of being reborn without ears to hear that shit.”

“Do you want me to stop it?”

Sollux sneered. “It would be a minute ‘thank-you’ for fixing you. If you’re even capable of it.”

“Anyfin for you, Sol.”

“You’re still doing it.”

“I bereef I am. Let minnow if there is somefin else I cod do for you.”

“You’re the most persistent jackass I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

“Gillty as charged,” Eridan said. He was laughing so hard he was almost falling off the table. All things considered, he was sort of glad Equius couldn’t see how utterly graceless he was being. “It’s fine, Sol. You get what you want. Tomorrow Equius and I are leaving.”

They hadn’t told him. It was fun to watch him momentarily pause, watch as the gears in his head stopped turning and slowly began clicking back into motion. He acted like this information didn’t faze him on any personal level. “After getting fucked up once, you’re ready to parade off the day after you’re allegedly fixed?”

“Allegedly?” Eridan smirked ever so slyly. “I bet you’d fuck up this time too, just to keep me here fulfilling some sick fantasy of your lonely, perverted mind. I saw your contact list.”

“I got a new Trollian account not long ago,” Sollux said. “Just haven’t gotten around to adding people.”

“I think you’re lying. Tell me, is it sad to know that the only people who would ever talk to you is a guy you don’t care about and your dead girlfriend?”

Sollux clenched his fists. “Don’t talk about her. Just don’t go there, Eridan.”

Eridan leaned back with a decidedly feline grin. “Are you just sentimental or do you think anyone would give two shits about you after they’re dead and maybe consider trolling you from their grave?”

Sollux grabbed Eridan by the front of his sweater and slammed the back of his head into the table. “ _Don’t_ you fucking _dare talk about her_.” He slammed Eridan’s head down for every word he emphasised. Then he stared Eridan down with eyes empty of anything but rage.

Eridan just laughed. “I’m still leaving,” he spat in Sollux’ face. It hurt, but it hurt so good. “Then you can be all alone with your computer, your only friend in the world while you wait for a dead girl to log back on. I wonder if she even thought twice about fucking Eq after she was done with you.”

Sollux was forcing himself to calm back down before he split Eridan’s head open. His nostrils flared with anger, but somehow he regained enough control to be reasonable. “You may feel fine for now, but I need to run more tests. We don't know how the mutagen might develop.”

Eridan dug his claws into Sollux’ t-shirt and yanked him down towards himself. “I earned my freedom. Are you going to stop me?”

Sollux’ voice was quiet and shaking with aggravation. “If you're hell-bent on fucking yourself up, go ahead. I'm trying to _help_ you and what the fuck do I get?”

“You want a reward for having the think-pan capacity of a wriggler, screwing this up so hard in the first place?”

“You could be fucking grateful that I'm saving your life,” Sollux hissed back. Their noses were almost touching and Eridan’s disgust was only fuelled by staring into Sollux’ empty, mismatched eyes.

“Instead I am running off with your pretty assistant. Sol's world is a lonely place and everything is cruel and sad. Do you want fucking pity, is that it?” he asked.

Sollux looked repulsed by the suggestion. “Fuck no. I don’t have concupiscent black feelings for you, but I sure as hell don't like you.”

Eridan grinned. Sollux was bent over the table, half atop him. Eridan raised his hips, rolling them in a slow motion up against Sollux’ abdomen. “I think it's very concupiscient, so make up your fucking mind about how we are feeling here.”

Sollux looked right about ready to tear him apart. Eridan knew what would happen long before Sollux came clashing down on him with teeth and claws. They locked together in an inevitable struggle of harsh, furious kisses. Sollux’ tongue was down his throat and he fought to give Sollux a taste of himself. His teeth left Sollux’ lips bloodied and sneering. Claws tugged at hair and scraped skin. They broke apart, desperately panting out their words.

“I will never pity you,” Eridan wheezed.

“Shut the fuck up, I don’t want your pity.”

Sollux tore at his clothes. Eridan did the infuriating thing and arched his body up willingly.

“You said no to a kismesis. Does it stir some caliginous feels now, knowing I'll be thinking of Equius while we are fucking?”

“Shut _up_ , you whore!”

Sollux shredded his trousers as he said it. Eridan’s sweater was long enough to cover him up, but Sollux simply pushed it up. He only needed so much of Eridan accessible.

“If it makes you feel any better, you can think of this as a pity-fuck,” Eridan said, laughing.

“Because that would be in no way cheating, you moron.”

Eridan raised his head, chin tilted up and eyes closed. He was so insufferably pleased with himself, that smirk of his ghosting Sollux’ ear as he _whispered sweetly_ to him. Sollux went still.

“You are pathetic. You are the lowest scum and this is the only favour I'll ever do you.”

Eridan laid back down and smiled up at Sollux as he spread his legs for him. The shreds of his trousers were bunched up around his shins and ankles, the slit between his legs was wet. He was an open invitation to humiliation, to admission of failure and need. “It’s alright, Sollux. We can act like there’s some sorry fucker in the world who would pity you, just this time.” Eridan had something for Sollux and that was a pretend pity-party of shame up his nook.

Sollux was keeping his eyes resolutely set on Eridan’s while he opened his trousers. “I will hurt you,” he said quietly. “I will motherfucking break you in half.”

“By all means, it’s your demented fantasy we are playing ou— _oww_.” Eridan grimaced as Sollux pried his nook open with two fingers. Once they had plied open his slippery insides, they slid inside him without resistance. Eridan let out a shuddery breath. “Nnh...” Sollux thrust the fingers into him hard and without mercy, drawing out Eridan’s bulge to become rigid before his eyes.

“Equius would suck it,” Eridan murmured.

The fingers were drawn back. Sollux grabbed Eridan’s hips and pulled him close, shoving one of his hard bulges into his nook. Eridan cried out. It was much too fast, but Sollux silenced him with a kiss. He dug his claws into Eridan’s hips and rocked into him while his other bulge slithered up between Eridan’s buttocks. The tip slipped in and made him gasp out. Gradually it worked its way in, slimy and impossible to refuse. Eridan’s arms wrapped tight around Sollux’ neck, holding him down.

“Hnn. So good,” he whispered. “I can’t wait until I feel Equius for the first time.”

Sollux said nothing. He slammed their hips together harder and took a firm grip around Eridan’s bulge. It coiled and writhed in his hand as he stroked it way too tight, but purple was dripping and oozing forward everywhere in betrayal to Eridan’s arousal. Eridan was whimpering, making a point to cling onto Sollux and moan into his ear every time both bone bulges plunged into him. Their bases were thick, and having both in at once made Eridan feel so full. His nook and ass were spasming around the wet bulges. Sollux pounded him to where Eridan had no choice in hissing out a name.

“Equiusss.”

There was a cry of rage from Sollux. Eridan refused to let him sit up. He held onto him, breathing into his ear with a broken and ragged voice.

“The second I am free of you I will rip the clothes off him and order him down on his knees,” he breathed. “I can’t wait to see him naked and run my hands and mouth over his muscles. _Nnnhhg_.” Sollux’ fury grew with each word, and he put every drop of it into fucking the life out of Eridan. “You don’t even know how hard I have rubbed my bulge thinking of him. I’ll force him down in the grass like the pretty, willing thing he is and I’ll ride him sore. I’ll let him stick his huge, raging bone bulge wherever he likes, I’ll suck him dry and I’ll be fucking happy doing it. I’ll... _Aaah!_ ”

“Shut up,” Sollux growled. “Shut up, _shut up_.” It was the only words he had left as he ploughed through Eridan.

“When you come, I’ll think of his blue grubjuice filling me and dripping from my nook while I scream his name in pleasure,” Eridan whispered. “And do you know the best thing?” Sollux’ hands were closing around his throat. He only had one thing left to say. “I’ll let him have me because I am truly, deeply flushed for him.”

He had managed to piss Sollux properly off for the first time. He’d never seen him so lost in hate and frustration. His claws were scraping over Eridan’s gills, and when failed to do more than leave deep, bloody gashes he simply grabbed his throat and squeezed with all his might. Eridan couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. His vision blacked out and his legs kicked. He was ripping at Sollux’ hands and he knew they’d been here before, but now he was honestly afraid. The only thing that made him forget his scare was when his orgasm wracked his body and he came so hard it hurt. Sollux was spilling all over his insides.

Eridan wondered briefly if he’d ever dare to tell Equius about any of this, and then he passed out. It wasn’t for long, but Sollux was off him and gone before he came to. The idiot had ruined his trousers. Fuck Sollux. He could go die in a ditch. Come next dusk, Eridan would never have to see him again.

*

“Have you said your farewells?”

Eridan gave the axolotls a final stroke on the head each before he withdrew his hand from the aquarium and rolled his sleeve down. He nodded. “I haven’t got anything worth taking with me.” Not besides Equius, but he wasn’t saying _that_ out loud. Equius got the point. They were basically eloping.

“I beg to differ.” Equius had a backpack waiting by the door. Next to it was a long, slim package. “I was able to construct what you asked of me.”

Eridan lit up. “It wasn’t any trouble I take it.”

“I made it exactly according to your instructions with ease. The only difficult aspect that could possibly arise from such a task would be to intentionally make a less practical weapon.”

Eridan scoffed. He took the package out of Equius’ hands and opened it unceremoniously. What he found made him grin. “This is brilliant.” He picked up the harpoon gun and weighed it in his hands. “I didn’t expect you to be capable of this delicate work.” He peered through the scope, turned it over, and tried his finger on the trigger. He looked to Equius with a smirk as he cocked it.

“My capabilities with machinery are undisputed. While I find more joy in destruction than construction of robotic life forms, it would not be as entertaining were they not creations of perfection. I would say I am as skilled within my field as Sollux in his, but his report has not been one I would compare myself to as of late. Also, you may not wish to fire that inside.”

Eridan laughed. “Sollux can count himself lucky he didn’t have the shame globes to come say goodbye.” There was a gleam in his eyes as he said it, but Equius didn’t appear convinced Eridan would actually put a harpoon through his face any time _soon_. Equius was probably right. “He brings out the worst in me,” he added in a sour mutter. When he recalled what he had said to Sollux last night, he could barely look at Equius.

He felt a strong hand on his shoulder, bruising him lightly in its quest to comfort him.

“Will you be alright?” Equius asked.

“Just fine.” Eridan uncocked the gun.

“I will have you know that I find your worst to be endearing when it is not disconcerting.”

Eridan patted Equius’ hand. “The feeling is indisputably mutual. I said goodbye to Sollux last night. Somewhat.” He still couldn’t look at Equius, and it seemed as if Equius interpreted his shame as something else.

“You wanted him for your kismesis and I expect you treated him like you would your kismesis. The only shameful aspect of what you may have done together is his refusal of your feelings while accepting your intimacy.”

Eridan had put the gun down and was suddenly very interested in arranging his scarf around his neck. “I just wish he wasn’t my first.”

“He will not be your last.”

Eridan dared himself to glance up at Equius, despite hearing his own raunchy words ringing in his ears, guiding his eyes away from Equius’ face and down his body. He caught himself at it. “Have you ever...?”

“That depends. Would the spirit of a dead girl inhabiting an anatomically correct robot body count?”

“Anatomically cor...” Eridan paused and considered whether he wanted to know or not. “I... How would that even work?” Curiosity won.

Equius shrugged. “She did not bruise, for one.”

Eridan found that it was more information than he honestly needed. Equius had said stranger things, but this new knowledge made what was to come all the more intimidating. Robots didn’t bruise, but he sure as fuck did. Already he found himself with new bruises every day stemming from his cuddles with Equius. Sex was an utterly scary prospect all of a sudden.

“Does it help if her robotic visage allowed me to imbue her with blue blood, technically elevating her to become a more appropriate match?”

Eridan considered. “Yes,” he decided, even if it wasn’t what bothered him the most. “But let’s not talk more about it anywave.” Hearing about Aradia made him burn with jealousy, even if she’d been a ghost robot.

“Yes. Perhaps you would you care to enlighten me as to why you would choose a weapon lacking in any sort of convenience?”

Eridan scrunched his nose. “I had a harpoon gun for a while. Left it in Fef’s place and couldn’t make myself go back for it, despite its importance.” He had seen his old gun’s likeness in Equius’ book about the sea dweller ancestry. It had given him a fright and he didn’t want to think or talk about it. He managed to stop fussing with his scarf. “I think we’re set to leave.”

“Before we do that, should I address your lack of trousers?”

Eridan had become somewhat more modest over the last weeks. He _had_. The sweater reached below his rear, so he was more or less decent. “Sollux happened to my trousers. Any more questions?”

“Not as such.” Nothing about Equius implied that he minded. He picked his backpack up and offered Eridan his hand. They would leave the laboratory together. Eridan’s time with Sollux had been cruel, but he left with more than he had when he arrived.

Eridan had Equius in one hand and the harpoon in the other. They would walk all night, find shelter and hole up for the day, then hopefully reach their destination unscathed. Equius had planned their route to a lake some way away from the city. It was suitable to put up a temporary hive. Some boat wrecks were strewn about, having been washed in from the ocean years previously. They were decaying and old, but together Eridan and Equius turned it into a curious yet habitable construction of metal and boats, half below and half above the water surface.

As it turned out, ditching Sollux turned out to be a blessed relief. Eridan settled in by himself, visited often enough by Equius not to become lonely again. He would have locked Equius up and kept him there forever if he could, but he couldn’t. So he didn’t.

It was fine, after a while. Seeing Equius leave was something he had to get used to, and it made their reunions that much sweeter. He had legs to walk on now, and he was far freer to explore by himself if he just had water nearby. He rebuilt one of the old boats; the lake was large and allowed for some pretty good sailing. Adventure was in his blood, and though he would prefer a ship out at sea, this would do for now. This smaller vessel allowed him to sail in-between the tall cliff sides, following the lake into narrow crevices of the mountain where dangerous beasts lurked in caves.

At times Equius would join him, though they usually ended up drifting across the open lake, bathed in moonlight and completely disinterested in going anywhere particular. Eridan was just fine with that. Other times he managed to coax Equius into coming with him to the caves, but he did not approve of fighting beasts they didn’t have to. They would climb the mountainsides, stand on the top of the cliff that looked out over the lake. From there they could see all of Alternia; the radiant city in the distance and, if they looked very closely, Sollux’ hive. It was surrounded by twisting trees and rock formations, almost hidden from sight and far, far away.

Eridan had considered what Equius had said; Sollux was undeserving of his hatred. It would just take time to find someone as hateable as him. Seeing Sollux’ hive in the distance was just a thorn in Eridan’s eye. It was hard to explain. Life was almost too good. There was nowhere to vent his anger, and he had a lot of it.

He remembered when they left. He hadn’t said a word until they were out of sight from Sollux’ hive, but he felt light and feathery for the first time since he lost his fin. He had freedom to move around as he wished and he wasn’t in constant pain. He was grinning at Equius as he linked their arms together.

“Is this what you feel like at all times?” he asked.

“Like that, but _stronger_.” There was a hint of a smirk on Equius’ lips. Eridan took his arm back and punched Equius’ shoulder. Equius shoved him in return. It was supposed to be playful, but needless to say he knocked Eridan into a bush. For a moment it was very embarrassing to them both as Equius picked him out of the foliage and patted him down. Eridan didn’t say a word; just glared. He glared until he cracked up and laughed, and Equius timidly joined in.

At this pace they would never reach their destination, but right then it was as if they had all the time in the world. They followed the river all day, stopping only to eat.

“I didn’t know you could cook,” Eridan said as Equius handed him a far too neatly wrapped lunch. He would have said it was the work of a mother, had he known what one of those things was.

“I do not. It was in all honesty that I said Aurthour is the most supreme lusus. Milk?”

“Oh, yes,” Eridan said and began to unwrap the food.

“Should his cooking not suit your tastes, I apologize. I have a particular diet that does not sit well with most of trollkin.”

All of a sudden Eridan was afraid of what he might find. He was right to be suspicious. “This is all glubbing weeds.” Which was his way of saying “vegetarian”.

“I do not feel comfortable with the consumption of beasts.”

“I know one fish you like to eat,” Eridan said slyly. Equius faltered. Utterly satisfied with himself, Eridan sprawled out across Equius’ lap and made himself comfortable while he ate. “And this is glubbing delicious. I have to meet Aurthour some time. I had no idea lusi would do this sort of stuff. That bicyclops of Sollux’ was an idiot.”

“Are crude remarks a means for you to validate us?” Equius asked. Eridan looked up to find himself under close scrutiny. “Do you measure pity in the degree to which I am blushing?”

“Seash. It’s only a joke,” Eridan muttered sourly. Equius put a finger under his chin and tilted his head up. He was looking down on Eridan over the top of his shades.

“I pity you, Eridan. That is not a joking matter. I appreciate your jests and your humour, but intimacy makes us vulnerable. It is a wonderful thing that should give us comfort and closeness, not shame. I adore the sweet sound of your laughter, but I would like to be certain that you are not shaming me for the things I do to you out of pity. You of course have all right, but it would be a consolation.”

Eridan frowned up at Equius. Annoyance surged in the pit of his stomach, coupled with fear. “What exactly are you implying here?”

“I am simply uncertain as to what Sollux has taught you, how you would think of sexual relations after being with a troll whose feelings are not mutual.”

Eridan sat up to face him properly. “So what, this is basically your way of saying I’m not taking you seriously? If you didn’t notice, you’re pretty fucking intimidating. Joking about it helps me to not think about you ripping my non-robotic body apart.”

“You are nervous.”

“I guess it doesn’t help that the one thing we have done so far was probably pretty shit for you.”

“I should have noticed or asked,” Equius insisted. “This was disgraceful of me. I speak of comfort when I myself fail to provide it.”

Eridan grabbed Equius’ face in both hands and sneered. “Look here, you big, masochistic idiot. I pity the fuck out of you so stop being a doormat, because you’re not.”

Equius leaned forward and kissed him.

“That’s an order,” Eridan sighed against his lips.

“Excellent.”

Eridan enjoyed another few delicate kisses. He was in a smiling daze when Equius pulled away from him. “Can’t we just fuck now and get rid of all this tension?”

“No. The correct amount of tension is favourable, and so is reaching shelter before daybreak. Also, I have heard enough of your cussing for tonight.”

Eridan groaned. “You can be a doormat _some_ times.” Equius was right, though. Their short lunch stop had drawn out into an emofest of heavy duty relationship talk. They finished up and got moving again. “We are so getting a pile for this at some point.”

“A pile would indeed be appropriate. So long as it is not a pile of fish.”

“Now where is the problem in that?”

“I hope you can see how that might be distracting for one who is against the consumption of flesh.”

“I know one fish you like to eat.”

Equius turned and stared at him. Eridan expected to get punched in the face. Instead, Equius licked his lips and resumed walking. Eridan watched him silently for a moment, and then he ran a few steps to catch up. He looked at Equius.

“Matespritship,” he said.

“...What?”

“It’s a fucking beautiful word, that’s all.”

“Language,” Equius chided, but he was smiling.

It was a long night. They talked and joked more than they walked, forgetting time entirely. It was so much fun while it lasted, not so much fun when the edge of the horizon began turning red. The sun was coming up.

“Shit, shit,” Eridan hissed as he felt his skin prickling under the first rays of light. He was near blinded. “You’re supposed to be the sensible one, why didn’t you fucking do something—”

Equius took him by the wrist and ran. “Inform me at the slightest movement.”

There would be undead. They had never been a problem in the depths of the sea where the sun couldn’t reach. This was seriously interrupting his quality time with Equius. Eridan was too pissed off to be scared. He was barely able to cock his gun while they were running. _He_ was essentially just dangling after Equius, but he had one arm with which to defend them.

Something was out there. He shouted to Equius but he couldn’t see what it was. The sun was blinding him, whitening out the world and its features. He feared he would have gone blind if he didn’t get a pair of cracked shades shoved onto his nose, over his hipster glasses. Still, he could barely make out anything as something snapped after them. He fired. The knockback of the gun and the terrible shriek of whatever it was chasing them felt immensely satisfying, but it wouldn’t have come alone.

The gun was constructed with a huge revolving barrel, because Equius was just that cool. Eridan would have been on a killing spree if his skin wasn’t sizzling in the light of the sun.

It was just in time that they managed to scrabble in underneath some rocks. It was a narrow slit of a natural cavern. Eridan felt Equius’ grip on his hand slip away and he took the gun in both hands, training it on the blinding white nothing that was the cave exit. Creatures that couldn’t stand the dark tried reaching for them. He motherfucking pelted those bitches with harpoons until they learned to stay away.

He dropped the gun and crawled deeper into the cave to where Equius had sat down. His hands were rubbing at his eyes.

“Are you...?”

“It will pass,” he said. “Judging by the infernal screams, I missed out on a lot of action.”

“Truth be told, yes. I was pretty badass back there.”

Equius was searching for his hand. Eridan gave it to him and curled up next to him.

“I would have fought by your side, but getting caught in the sun would have nullified any victories.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Equius’ arms squeezed around him. “You were wondrous.”

“Tch. I always am.” Eridan kissed Equius’ cheek and stroked his face affectionately. “Sleep. I’ll look out for us, until I drop unconscious from exhaustion or something.”

“This is not a particularly safe place. Neither should sleep if we can help it.”

Eridan took the shades and the glasses off. He put them down on the floor of the cave. It wasn’t a deep cave, just plain, smooth rock that had been gouged out by water some ages ago. A puddle still remained in the lowest corner Equius must have planned on them camping here. It was a dark, shielded hollow in which they were indisputably alone. “Either you sleep, or you fuck me.”

“I am blinded.”

“All the better to see with your fingers and be damn careful.” And he didn’t have to be embarrassed like a little girl to look at Equius.

“I would like to see you,” he murmured, still hesitant. Eridan thought the request was too cute.

“You’d better not be blind fucking permanently, then.” He kissed the corner of Equius’ mouth. It was such an intimate way of kissing. “Anyway, I am not lying here with you all day and not doing anything.” He placed his hand on Equius’ abdomen, feeling the muscles through his tank top.

“I decree that not a single piece of clothing will be removed today, so settle back down.”

“Who said anything about removing anything?”

“What...?”

Eridan slid the hand down Equius’ shorts. He bit his lip and pressed his face to Equius’ neck. “I want to pleasure you. I want to make you writhe.” And Equius seemed a lot more helpless right then. He was no less strong, but the situation gave Eridan a huge boost to his courage.

“Ah...”

He rubbed his fingers over the slit between Equius’ legs. He could barely feel the narrow crevasse until it immediately became wet under his index finger. He closed his eyes and smirked. “Neither of us has to see a thing,” he murmured against Equius’ neck. “I am doing this to you out of pity. You _will_ open up to me.”

Equius shuddered. His legs parted and Eridan’s fingers slid into him. Barely two could fit, he was so tight. His thumb stroked the rapidly growing bulge, which wrapped itself around his wrist and pulled him in deeper. It was growing still; big and hot and throbbing around his arm. He stroked it with the palm of his hand as he thrust his fingers in, feeling the slick, warm bulge slide and slip against his skin as it grasped at him. It was more than halfway up his forearm. Eridan shivered as he imagined the things Equius could do to him. Equius didn’t have to give him a choice; Eridan couldn’t fight him with raw strength.

But Equius was melting to his touch, reduced to soft moans. He sank to the floor, dragging Eridan down with him. His nook was clutching at the fingers, begging for deeper penetration, for more. Equius would probably not have objected if Eridan demanded to bend him over and fuck him hard from behind. He seemed oblivious to it himself, but Eridan felt him tense around his fingers as he pressed his groin to Equius’ hips. He pushed Equius onto his side so he could get behind him. This was only for Equius, but no one would deny Eridan the pleasure of groping his muscular ass and grind against him. He was breathing down Equius neck, hearing his name whispered in breathless gasps.

It didn’t last very long. Equius was a slave to Eridan’s fingers. It was practically gushing blue around his hand as Equius came. It was too good, feeling his muscular body tense hard as rock and then relax gradually into his arms. Eridan stroked his hair back, still with one hand buried in his shorts. He couldn’t withdraw it until Equius’ bulge let go and receded. He kissed Equius’ neck and snickered quietly.

“It seems every bit of you is _strong_ ,” he remarked. Equius’ face was a dark blue. He mumbled an apology, but his voice was still thick and shaking from his release. Eridan was freed, and he drew his hand back finally. Equius still couldn’t see, but he could hear.

“Do you... have to be so audible while you are licking your fingers?”

“Yes.” Eridan examined his arm. A spiral-shaped bruise was forming, as expected. He sighed. It would go away soon enough. That in mind, he put his arms around Equius’ waist and hugged himself close to him. “Sleep.”

It was a long day, but it was his turn to do something for Equius. He held him while he slept, doing his best not to doze off. He had to wet his gills from time to time, but that was the only reason for leaving Equius’ side. Things were still moving outside the cave and he kept his gun nearby. These creatures feared the shadows of the cave, but it wouldn’t do to be caught off guard.

Come nightfall, Equius’ vision had been restored in part. He would be able to take them to their destination, and with Eridan’s help he wouldn’t stumble over every other bump and rock on the road. Eridan half wished he’d been blinded for longer, but who was to keep him from taking Equius’ hand and dragging him around even when he no longer had to?

In hindsight Eridan had, uncharacteristically, been a bit of a dick. Still, he remembered that night fondly when he sat alone in the strange tower of ships that was his new hive. Oh, he had other nights he remembered fondly, but it was before he realized he somewhat missed Sollux. It didn’t help that the guy kept talking to him on Trollian. Eridan kept telling himself not to reply, but Equius was gone back to the city and he was by himself.

Often he would come home after an escapade in the boat to find a bunch of messages, but that night he had decided to stay in. It was cold and windy and he was feeling sorry for himself, so he curled up in a chair with a cup of coffee, computer on his lap. He hadn’t intended on talking to Sollux, but being logged onto Trollian was like asking for it. Sollux was simply too lovesick to let him go.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --

TA: hey fii2hdiick.

TA: liike ii told you la2t week. your fuckiing te2t re2ult2 are lookiing horriible.

TA: ba2iically ii fucked up. ii told you already 2o 2top gloatiing and fuckiing get back here.

TA: youre not proviing anythiing by gettiing dead.

cA: aahaha sol you are unbereefable

CA: i cant bereef you are so desperate to fuck me again if you didnt notice my life is a fishton better wwithout you

TA: fuck. ed dont fuckiing be liike thi2.

TA: ii dont giive a shiit about touchiing your clammy fii2h 2kiin ever agaiin you retard.

CA: yes i can see that wwhat wwith howw youre messagin me evvery other minute

CA: cant get your depravved mind off my fishstick

TA: iim me22agiing you becau2e there2 2omethiing wrong on your x-ray2 agaiin.

TA: 2top gurgliing eq2 grub2auce for two 2econd2.

TA: pull your head out of your/hii2 nook.

TA: and take a long fuckiing look at what ii2 tran2piiriing here.

TA: iit2 a warniing becau2e whiile ii dont give a fuck iif you live or diie ii want a chance two fiix thii2.

TA: you know for 2ciience.

CA: sounds legit

CA: not

CA: and ill havve you knoww that wwhile selfcentered arrogance may havve played a role in my denial of your earlier claims

CA: that one wwas a pretty obvvious lie

CA: youre honest to cod wworried and thats just pathetic

CA: especially after i owwned you so fucking good

TA: ed wiill you ju2t liisten.

CA: sorry cant hear your pathetic beggin through your disgustin lisp sollux

CA: or should i say

CA: pollucks

TA: by my e2tiimatiion.

TA: at thii2 poiint you are probably vomiitiing blood all over the place.

TA: iif you had told eq ii fiigure youd be back here already.

TA: 2o not only are you dyiing you are hiidiing iit.

TA: not that ii giive a flyiing fii2h about you two.

TA: but thiink about iit and maybe you can 2ee 2ome 2en2e iin comiing back.

TA: let me fiix thii2.

TA: you liive, ii get two fiinii2h my 2ciience project, eq get2 two not 2ee you diie.

TA: everyone ii2 happy.

CA: ...

CA: its not that much blood

CA: and anywwavve its gettin better

CA: i just need time to adjust

CA: my legs dont hurt at all so fuck you

CA: fuck you for wwantin to ruin evverythin

CA: you just cant let me be happy

Eridan shut his laptop. Sollux was of course right. It was infuriating and he was not even going to suggest to Equius that they go back to him. He understood now why Sollux wouldn’t respond to his desire for a kismesis, even though they so obviously hated each other. As usual, Equius had been the voice of reason. They had talked about it just as they reached the lake. Eridan had been frustrated about Sollux, and it didn’t help to be reminded that Sollux wasn’t worth his hatred.

“It just makes him all the more hateable, doesn’t it?” he sneered at Equius. “It’s like he doesn’t even deserve it, and yet he is shitting all over it. It’s so disgusting and frustrating. It’s a pretty damn black thing to do but he’s just a fucking tease, and other times again he says things that are all up in the flushed quadrant. I don’t get it.”

“It seems apparent to me that he longs for matespritship,” Equius replied. “After Aradia.”

Eridan scoffed. “Like hell if that would work out.”

“It would not,” Equius agreed. “I think he knows better than either of us how little he desires to develop flushed feelings for you.”

Eridan frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That he truly hates you in a manner that would not vacillate. Black feelings are simply not what he wishes to pursue at this time.”

“He could so flush for me,” Eridan said haughtily. “Not that I would ever even consider it.” He did not like to admit even to himself how desperate he was to have his quadrants filled. He had Equius, so vacillating about his hatred for Sollux was out of the question at the moment, thank cod. This matespritship was doing a good job at setting his world in some sense of order. “Sollux was just being an angsty prick, screwing up the potential of a perfectly good kismesis.”

Eridan knew Sollux wasn’t flushed for him; he just missed his dead girlfriend. It made him all the more loathsome and fuck if Eridan would go back to his hive. He sat alone in his own hive, his crooked tower of silence and bitterness. He pulled the blanket tighter around himself. The laptop was pushed onto the floor. He should have checked if Equius was online, but now he was too furious to talk to anyone.

He just wanted to think about him and Equius when they reached the lake together for the first time, seeing their future unfolded before them. Eridan felt sand between his toes and he smiled. Some way from the shore was an island where the wreckages of boats were piled up. It spoke of potential.

“I thought it suitable that we construct your hive together,” Equius said. “I am not sure how the sea dwellers do it, but our hives are erected by drones once we have made our way through the brooding caverns.”

Eridan had sat himself down at the lakeshore, splashing his naked legs in the water. “Mh. We have no drones. There are so many empty hives and ruins left from our ancestors’ days it’s not even necessary. We are basically scavengers.”

“Then this will be an experience to the both of us. We may start tonight if you wish, but daybreak will come soon. As they are, these broken vessels will provide just enough shelter from the light of day. You decide.”

“I am tired,” Eridan said. “And I think we deserve just sitting down and enjoying the water.” He put his glasses down and pulled off the sweater and the scarf. He wanted to feel the water on his bare skin as he waded out. He was knee-deep when he realized Equius was watching him. For the first time he felt embarrassed for not wearing clothes in front of him. He decided not to say anything. He still enjoyed the attention.

He walked out from shore until the water reached his waist. It was still, reflecting the moon and the clouds as clearly as a mirror. He sank in, shivering despite the pleasant temperature. Equius remained on the shore, seemingly mesmerized by the sleek, pale body gliding across the lake surface, barely causing a ripple.

He only looked away when he realized he was sweating profusely. His face was warm and his tank top was sticking to his chest. It would have been a good idea to get into the lake at this point, cool off. Something told him that swimming with Eridan wouldn’t cool off anything. The thoughts going through his head were less than gentlemanly. Now was when they would build their life together. It seemed to him the appropriate time for consummation.

It was, in any case, childish of him to keep putting stops to passion. There would come a time when all caution and decency had to be flippantly thrown aside for the sake of succumbing to heated ardour.

“Are you joining me?” Eridan asked. He had gotten out of the water without a sound. Now he was stroking wet fingers down Equius’ arms in subtle encouragement. They were finally free of Sollux and tomorrow they would build Eridan a home. He was happy and he was free. He could doubtlessly smell the heavy scent of arousal and sweat in the air.

“Of course,” Equius said thickly. He stepped out of his shoes and reached to pick them up when Eridan nudged him by the elbow. The shoes and socks were forgotten in the sand. His shades were dropped down next to them. Eridan urged him into the lake with him. His shorts were soaked through up to his thighs. Eridan stopped him and helped him off with his gloves. Their fingers laced together, bare palms pressed against each other. Eridan kissed him on the nose. None of this was about swimming at all, not to Equius. Eridan’s hands slid up under his tank top, sliding over damp skin as he pushed the top over his head and threw it away.

“Not cold, are you?” Eridan asked while he opened Equius’ shorts. He was trying to be sneaky about drinking in the sight of naked Equius. It wasn’t working. He didn’t seem aware of just how sexual his approach was.

“Not in the least.”

They were both pretty flustered when the shorts came down. Blue slime ran down Equius’ thighs and clouded the water. The tip of his bulge was protruding, growing bigger under Eridan’s gaze. It dripped, wet and glistening. Eridan caught himself staring and got hesitant. This was so much easier with Sollux. Hate was the only thing he knew. He was so excited for this, yet so worried. Equius might just say no again, like this had to happen on his whim. All Eridan had to do was reach out and touch him to change his mind, but no, no he couldn’t do that. He was getting cold feet. Fuck, fuck what was wrong with him.

Equius reached around him before he could back off. Strong hands stroked up his back to rest on his shoulders and pull him close. Equius held him flush up against himself, one hand brushing through his hair, and he kissed him. He was burning hot and passionate. Eridan could only close his eyes, hands pressed to Equius’ chest. He could feel the throbbing bulge caught between them. It slithered in between his thighs and rubbed firmly up against his groin. He let out a low moan into Equius’ mouth, tasted his tongue and sucked hard on it.

This was it, Eridan thought as his own bulge came out to tangle with Equius’. He wrapped his arms around Equius’ neck, dragging him down in the shallow waters with him. Whatever they’d said or agreed on before didn’t matter. Here, outside; it didn’t matter. Just them, finally free.

Equius was over him, kissing his neck. His lips touched him just below the gills, sucked at his skin. Equius sure knew how to suck hard and make Eridan gasp. His hands scrabbled along Equius’ body, grabbing his rear and pulling him down so their hips were grinding together. Eridan found himself liking just how firmly he was pressed down in the sand, water splashing around him. It was no more than ankle-deep, caressing along his body and comforting him.

The tip of Equius’ bulge had found his nook. It was hot and wet, more than welcoming the thick bulge. Eridan’s breath hitched in his throat. His toes curled in the sand as Equius penetrated him. He was slow and careful, wanting nothing but to please. Still Eridan was tight and throbbing around him, half dazed at having so much inside him. His own bulge was curled around the base of Equius’, clutching at him in near desperation. He was still grasping Equius’ ass in his hands. Fuck, he wanted Equius to know just how deliciously overwhelming this was.

“E... Eridan...?”

“Shh.” Eridan’s voice was half-choked and breathless. He squeezed Equius’ ass, pulling him down decisively. His bulge curled further around Equius’ and pressed into his nook. There was a muffled noise from Equius. “Just take a deep breath,” he whispered against Equius’ ear. He’d almost been too scared, but his bulge seemed to only make Equius wetter.

Now they were locked together, bulges rubbing against each other for every slight movement. He could feel Equius inside of him as well as clutching around him. Blue and purple was streaming down Eridan’s hips, smearing across their abdomens as they grinded together. Passion was taking over for caution. They rolled around in the shore, furiously trying to bury themselves deeper into each other, breathlessly becoming one. Their skin was hot and wet under caressing hands and lips.

They filled the night with heated moans and panting. At times there would be a soft cry from Eridan when Equius forgot himself and took him too roughly, but he was trying so hard to make their encounter tender and flushed. Eridan was over him as much as squirming underneath him, and by the end they were lying in each other’s arms, clutched together as they came.

Like that, still deep within each other they felt the water rippling quietly around them. Dark, purple marks were forming along Eridan’s body. Equius traced them with soft kisses and affectionate touches. He whispered that he was sorry. Eridan honestly didn’t give a fuck. He told him to shut up and embrace him tighter. Their bulges retracted eventually, untangling them in that aspect. They lay in silence for a while, just listening to the sound of their breaths and heartbeats intermingled.

Eridan coughed. He turned away from Equius and coughed harder. Equius sat up to see if there was something he could help with, but Eridan put a hand on his chest. He couldn’t push him away, but he could warn him about getting closer. There were two flecks of blood in his hand. Not that it could be told apart from all the other purple that decked them both.

“What is that?”

“Grubsauce, what do you think?” Eridan asked and scoffed. He licked it from his palm with a calculating look at Equius.

“I, I see.”

The idea that something had gone wrong was unthinkable. He pushed it out of his mind. Nothing would stop him from building a hive with Equius and being damn happy about it afterwards, and for a while it didn’t. The coughing didn’t happen often. Sollux messaged him once in a while to nag, but Eridan ignored him. He was just fine to go out adventuring, exploring caves and fighting monsters with a bitching harpoon gun and climbing mountains with his matesprit. Of all possible times to have these were simply the best.

Of course, as he was sitting there in his hive, hugging a blanket around him and refusing to reply to more of Sollux’ messages, he wasn’t having the best of times at all. He was so very cold. His hands and feet just wouldn’t warm up properly any more. Dark bruises appeared for no reason and the cough was getting worse.

It wouldn’t stop. He felt like throwing up. He staggered out of the chair, coughing up blood in his hands. He swayed. The world span around him and he hit the floor. His head was swimming. The world was a cold place. He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not. Feferi was there. Everything else was black, but the two of them were clear and bright in the vast nothingness. He was sitting on the ground while she swam around him. He couldn’t tell if they were underwater or if she was airborne. It was probably a bit of both.

 “Haha, those are some pretty silly things you have there,” she said, poking at his legs. Eridan drew his feet up under him and frowned up at her.

“Fef, is that reely you?” It had been so long since he heard her voice. He wasn’t sure what to feel.

“You tell me.” She laughed and drifted down to sit in mid-air. The tip of her fin swished back and forth, gleaming magenta. “Don’t be like that. I am so _excited_ to see how far you have come!”

Eridan just pouted. She giggled and swam around him in circles.

“Just let minnow when you are ready to talk. Cod knows you need someone to talk you trout this.”

“Now you want to talk?” Eridan asked. He was hugging his knees to him, pressing his face against them so he didn’t have to look at her.

“We are moireels, aren’t we?”

“We were, then you forgot who you were,” Eridan said. He wanted to curl up in a tiny ball until she was gone. He missed her too fucking much. He felt a pair of gentle hands on his face, urging him to look up. She was smiling at him, as bright and perky as she always had been.

“What is this I’m herring about you growing legs? Going _glub glub_ around on land like one of our ancestors.”

“Some jerk tricked me into it,” Eridan said. “It’s not something to get excited about.”

“But I am!” she insisted. She had such a bubbly and light-hearted laugh. “I fish I could have gone with you. It sounds so fintastic.”

Eridan tried clearing his head and remember what happened. He pushed himself to his feet and swayed. Once he’d gotten himself balanced he looked at Feferi.

“You’re not really here, are you? You are just a projection of my memory. Some hallucination.”

“ _Glub glub glub glub_. You sure took your time figuring that out, jellyfish-brain.”

“I am bleeding out on the floor, aren’t I?”

“Whale... Yes.” She tweaked one of his toes and made him jump back. She beamed. “It’s more fun than talking to anotter Eridam, though?”

“How could it be more fun?” Eridan asked. “You were my moirail and...”

“And what? Is there somefin you still regret not telling me?”

Eridan paused. He was only talking to himself, but his inner Feferi was asking some valid questions. “We were supposed to be matesprits.”

“But you have Equius now, _glub glub glub_. I’m so happy for you, Eridan!”

“You are, aren’t you.” Eridan knew what his subconscious was trying to tell him. It was easy to convince himself that Feferi had liked him in a flushed manner when he was all alone and in need of comfort.

“Swim with me,” she said, doing a loop around him before she swam deeper into the darkness. Eridan walked after her.

“You chose the ocean over me. You left me behind by choice; you never wanted to be matesprits.”

Feferi’s smile became apologetic. “I codn’t always babysit you, Ericlam. You were all grown up and I needed to go where I belong.”

“That’s stupid,” Eridan spat. “You looked after me and you didn’t even pity me. You might as well have not bothered.”

“But now you have legs, and you have a matesprit and a kismesis. It’s so exciting, _glub glub_!”

“He’s not my kismesis,” Eridan growled. “He fucked me over and now I am dying.”

“It shore was a black thing to do, though,” Feferi said cheerfully.

“Fine. Sure. Whatever.” Shit was too depressing for shores and watervers. “I don’t have any of that any more, though. I have a big, happy fucking coughing up my internal organs.”

Feferi swirled around in the water or air, whichever, and poked his nose. “Yes you do. You still have the oppor _tuna_ ty to turn this around, _glub glub_!”

Eridan pushed her aside, grumbling as he kept walking. “No. I’ll die here, miserable and wishing I never met you or any of the land dwellers.”

“That’s a load of pollocks and you know it.” Feferi swished past him, beaming at him all the while as she swam back and forth in the dark. “You want nothing but to see Equius again.” She swam back to him, levelling with his eyes. “You could say he is... your otter half,” she giggled into his ear and Eridan waved at her with his arms.

“Will you stop with the fish puns!”

“ _Glub glub glub glub_!”

“Fef, I will cull you!” he snarled, running after her as she shimmied away from him.

“But you are so adorbarbel together, _glub glub_! Now you have to fight to stay that way.”

Her voice disappeared and she was out of sight. Eridan stopped and panted, wondering how he could be so tired in a hallucination. He looked all around for Feferi, but there was not a trace.

“Alright, you win!” he cried. “I don’t want to die. How do I get back?”

Silence was the only reply. His lip trembled. Fuck this shit. He had always known deep down that Feferi pitied him in a very platonic and, in his opinion, condescending sense of the term. He just had a hard time letting go, was that so wrong? He felt like he was stumbling around blindly without her. It shouldn’t matter anymore though; he had someone who made him feel truly significant and he didn’t want to let go of that.

“You’re already there, _glub glub_!”

Eridan looked towards the voice. He shielded his eyes against a bright light. Blurry colours appeared, slowly sharpening into something definable and real. He blinked and squinted, grabbed blindly with sluggish hands. He got hold of hair. Long hair. He yanked at it and pulled Equius closer to him. He was too tired to hug him. Equius hugged him instead.

“He appears to have woken. Does this indicate that your treatment was a success?”

The voice was distant, but there was no mistaking Equius. Eridan smiled like a dork.

“He won’t die of internal bleeding just yet, if that’s what you mean.”

Sollux. Eridan’s smile became a sneer.

“He is cold as ice. Is there no action that may redeem this?”

“Those are the last blankets, and he’ll keep getting colder. The blood loss didn’t exactly help the situation.”

Eridan realized he was staring into the ceiling of Sollux’ hive. He was lying on the sofa, covered in a number of blankets and he was still not warm. Equius was sitting next to him, though. Eridan let go of his hair and stroked his cheek instead. “Hey.”

“Hello,” Equius replied and brushed some hair out of Eridan’s face.

“I passed out for a bit.”

“For a bit, or possibly for a few days. It depends on how distorted your current perception of time is.”

“Very distorted,” Eridan muttered.

“You were experiencing severe internal bleeding, but Sollux was able to return you to consciousness.”

Along with mind-projected and brutally honest Feferi had, Eridan told himself. “It’s worse than that though, isn’t it?”

Equius said nothing. Sollux appeared to have left the room. Just as well. Eridan fumbled around his neck. His scarf was wrapped around him, even if it had some splotches of blood on it. “Eq. Lie down with me.”

“Are you quite sure?” Eridan would usually demand to scrub him down before allowing him to spend the day next to him.

“It wasn’t a question,” Eridan hissed. Equius didn’t object. They were able to fit if they squeezed tight, and that was Eridan’s plan. He snuggled close to Equius, shivering even with the blankets and the body heat. He took his scarf and wrapped it around the both of them, resting his head on Equius’ chest. He slept then. Equius wasn’t able to get another word through to him; he was too exhausted.

*

The days that passed were a blur. Eridan had little to no appetite. His breathing grew shallow and he had no energy. Sollux didn’t say a word to him, only buried himself in constant work. There was no way for them to transfuse blood, but Sollux had other concoctions to give him in order to slow the bleeding and help him replenish. The internal haemorrhaging did not appear to be their main concern, even if Eridan felt like he was expelling blood more frequently than carbon dioxide. He let Equius coddle him and tried to be strong. He was supposed to fight this. If he just stayed strong, everything would be okay.

Eridan did a lot of lying on the couch with Equius reading to him. Right then he was alone but for the axolotls; Equius had moved their tank close so they could keep him company while Equius was out. Eridan was sitting with his feet curled up underneath him, stroking a finger against the glass. One of the axolotls tried nibbling it. He grew tired quickly though, sinking back down to rest against the couch.

“How are you feeling?”

Eridan sneered in disgust. It was the first words Sollux had said to him since he got there. “What the fuck do you think?” he asked. He didn’t manage all the spite he would have liked. “If you’re not here to explain yourself, you can stick your ugly face back up your nook and get the hell out.”

Sollux’ lips went tight, as if suppressing a sneer. It made Eridan all the more angry; the fucker thought he was gaining anything from hiding his revulsion and anger, like it wasn’t what Eridan had strived for all this time.

“You could sort of call it that.” He came further into the room. Even with his shades on, Eridan could tell there was regret on his face. Cod fucking damn this asshole. “I fucked up. I mean, I’m not saying this because I’m in one of those shitty, depressive phases where I hate myself and everything I do; I honestly fucked up.” He scratched the back of his neck. “That never happened before. I was damn sure I could do this. I _knew_ I could do this, but I was wrong.”

“Look, your pity-party isn’t making one fucking difference to either of us,” Eridan hissed. “Get to the point.”

“I’m sorry.”

“ _What_.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through all this shit. I’m sorry I couldn’t fix you, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what I promised you. I know I was a dick about it, but I seriously meant to give you a new and better life.” Sollux was now looking at him with determination. “I failed you and for that I’m sorry. This is my fault.”

Eridan met his eyes in a long, hard stare. Sollux got uncomfortable, Eridan narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth. When he spoke, it was no more than a whisper. “You’re _sorry_. Well, that makes it all fine, doesn’t it?”

“Eridan...”

“It’s your fault that I’m basically dead, but you’re apologizing and that makes it all _okay_!” Eridan had to laugh. It was cold, hoarse and bitter. “I wanted you to fucking hate me back, but you don’t even have the decency to kick me while I’m down. You go and get fucking _remorseful_. I’d think this was some elaborate trick to make me even more disgusted with you, but _that_ would be the day.”

Sollux tensed, but he was fighting so hard to keep his cool. “This has nothing to do with blackrom or whatever the fuck is going on between us in your head. I’m owning up to my failure here; I never meant to hurt you.”

“Yeah, I am sure you are damn sorry for dragging me along the ground and choking me and locking me up and everything else that wasn't science related.”

“I mean the mutagen,” Sollux spat back. “The mutagen wasn’t meant to hurt you. Those other things may have been more caliginous in nature, but don’t you fucking complain about that now. Isn't a kismesis what you want from me?”

“Yes! So what the hell is this apology shit all about?”

Sollux sighed. “It’s not like it even matters if you’re dead. I can’t hate you if you’re dead, Eridan. I might as well tell you I'm sorry; I would take it back if I could. Fuck, I don’t _want_ you to die. And maybe I’m also sorry we weren’t a proper kismesis.”

Eridan was silent. Sollux’ words appeared genuine. How bitter it seemed now. “What is happening to me?” he asked quietly.

“You...” Sollux wasn’t keen on explaining. Eridan’s piercing gaze forced the words out of him. “You’re bleeding out internally and your organs are shutting down. Blood circulation slows; first your fingers and feet got cold, now it’s your entire body. You’ve lost your appetite because your body is simply giving out. It’s why you sleep all the time. Very soon you won’t be able to wake up again and you’ll be in a coma. Slowly you’ll die.”

“And that’s only if the blood loss doesn’t get me first.”

Sollux gave a slight nod. “The last mutagen stabilized your bones, but your body is gradually rejecting everything else.”

Eridan clenched his jaw. He couldn’t fight this. Brain-Fef had told him he could fight but she was a liar. Optimistic, aggravating liar. “And you feeling sorry,” he said. “Is that going to stop any of this from happening?”

“Er...” Sollux faltered. “No.”

“Then stick your shitty apologies up your festering nooks and fuck off.”

There was nothing more to be said on the matter. Sollux didn’t even have the decency to call him an ungrateful prick. He left. Sollux must have given up on him a long time ago. Eridan bit the inside of his lip and fought back against the overwhelming distress and hopelessness. He was too weak for anything. There was nothing he could do but sleep.

Perhaps Sollux’ explanation had driven him to give up. He did not wake up this time. When Equius returned, Sollux had to explain to him that Eridan had finally slipped into a coma while he was away. He’d been getting more blankets.

“Pretty fucking pointless now, aren’t they?” Sollux said. He’d never been knocked off his feet by a blanket before, but one time had to be the first.

“He has yet to shuffle of this mortal coil. He is not deceased yet.”

“Then what is he?” Sollux spat as he picked himself up. “Pining for the fjords?”

The terribly unsuitable reference served as a reminder for Equius, despite its tasteless vulgarity. “You earlier described the formula for returning him to his original form as one that was designed not to replace his legs with a fin but rather reset his DNA to its original and untampered form.”

Sollux shrugged. “He is basically decaying from inside out. Making him suffer through another transformation wouldn’t make a huge difference to his chances of survival. Even if this mutagen works, he wouldn’t be strong enough to live it down.”

“You say it would not make a huge difference?”

“It wouldn’t, not really.”

“Is there even a marginal increase in odds should he be given the mutagen?”

“Microscopic, if anything.”

Equius scooped Eridan’s limp body off the couch and into his arms. He headed for the laboratory. Sollux leapt up from his seat.

“Hey! I told you it won’t make a fucking difference.”

“A microscopic increase in odds could change the entire outcome.” Equius laid Eridan down on the workbench.

“You might just kill him faster,” Sollux warned, at which Equius turned to him with a murderous look in his eyes.

“The alternative is to watch him die a slow, painful death with no means of fighting back.”

There was unadulterated threat in those words. Sollux backed off slowly towards one of his cabinets.

“Alright, just... Remember I told you. I told you what could happen.”

Equius was ignoring him. Eridan was lifeless and pale on the table. His skin was cold as ice, with dark bruises from the internal haemorrhaging. He seemed dead in every aspect, except when Equius lowered his face down to Eridan’s lips and felt shallow breathing against his cheek. He stroked Eridan’s hair back, fussing while Sollux prepared the hypodermic.

“This is your last chance, Sollux.”

“I’m fully aware,” Sollux growled. He would normally object to such comments, but his row of failures put Equius in a position well justified to question his abilities. He was as eager as Equius to see this work.

He took Eridan’s arm and struggled a while to find a vein before he injected him. Eridan’s blood-pusher wasn’t strong enough to spread this throughout his body; what were they thinking? Sollux stood back, grinding his teeth while they waited. He was sure there would be _some_ sort of effect, but he had no idea how it would manifest.

Eridan’s body jerked. He was still in a coma and unable to respond normally to pain, but his muscles were contracting involuntarily with weak convulsions. After a short while it stopped. Eridan lay completely still. Nothing appeared to have changed.

Sollux and Equius exchanged looks. After another moment, Equius leaned down over him again. He took Eridan’s wrist in his hand, lay his cheeks against his lips. There was no breath, no pulse. The mutagen hadn’t even had time to start working.

Sollux couldn’t see Equius’ face behind the curtain of hair, but he knew it wasn’t good. He saw the blue stains hitting Eridan’s face and running down his cheek. Fuck. Resuscitation of any kind was a stupid idea at this point, but Sollux ran every possible solution through his head anyway.

It was over. Sollux did the only sensible thing and walked out. Equius would probably like some time to himself before he crushed his skull into the approximate dimensions of an A2 sheet of paper. He sat outside the hive, feeling nothing but emptiness for a good while. It was kind of nice, not sensing anything and just being numb. He wasn’t entirely sure what the policy was on losing a semi-kismesis and he didn’t give a fuck. He would succumb to grief and self-loathing later.

After a while Equius joined him. He stood silently next to him, looking out towards a hill in the distance, where the river ran.

“You should hate me now,” Sollux said.

“Focusing my anger and despair at you would have been a relief.”

“So nothing.”

“It appears not.”

They were locked in a mutual case of indifference. Any quarrel between them had been due to disagreement over Eridan. Without him, it was all too obvious that none of this held any purpose.

“This terminates our correlations, I suspect.”

“Yes. It was a stupid idea to begin with.” Sollux wasn’t sure which idea he was talking about. There had been a lot of stupid ideas.

It would have been a mercy if what had transpired left them with a burning hatred for each other. Instead there was nothing. They were left with nothing at all.

Equius took Eridan’s body with him when he left Sollux’ hive for good. He had no intentions of ever returning. He went down to the coast. That night, the sky hung heavy and grey. Strong winds were blowing, whipping the steel grey water into waves.

Sollux had found him here, and Equius would be the one returning him. There seemed to be no other fitting solution. Eridan in his arms, he waded out in the water, past the jagged rocks of the coastline until he was waist deep. He could only hope the currents were more merciful than to wash Eridan up on shore.

Something caught his eye, out on an islet far from the beach; something with a fin, gleaming magenta in the moonlight.

Equius felt a pang of relief as the figure dove into the waves. He lowered Eridan into the water and looked down at him one last time. His face was relaxed, eyes closed and lips slightly parted. All warmth had left him, but he was beautiful and for the first time calm. Even now he looked like a prince.

“I do not regret any of it,” Equius said, even if his voice was lost in the wind. It was a quiet reassurance to himself and nothing more. “Not one moment.” He let go. Eridan was carried out with the waves, back to where he once belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Reviews are highly appreciated. This story was first released on my FFnet account (Silarcta), 06-12-12. A huge thanks to my friends Eva and Hanne who have inspired and adviced me throughout the entire writing process; Watershed would not have happened without you.


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